SOUTHERN FRIED LOVIN

Love vs. Autonomy

2011-01-15T13:24:00.001-08:00

“The idea that men are created free and equal is both true and misleading: men are created different; they lose their social freedom and their individual autonomy in seeking to become like each other.” ~ David Riesman

This nomadic princess holds a resume of relationships that read a little like my professional resume; a hodgepodge of experience. Unfortunately, that experience has mostly created an equation of love + relationship = no autonomy. Perhaps it’s a little selfish of me, but if you are attracted to someone because of their strength, independence, and resilience then why should that change and by all means, why would I want to?

I am no psychiatrist but I am led to believe this is the root of many issues within relationships, at least the demise at my own attempts. Some couples are so willing to give up their dreams and aspirations to please each other and inevitably settle into a massive blob on the couch they end up loosing themselves between the cushions. I, Jennie Goins have been guilty of loosing myself. If I love you, you get it all! My money, my mind, my first time homes owner’s credit, my womb, Layla…and hell Layla’s first born. It seems every time, I find myself roaming the isles of Wal-Mart with the masses, blinded by the fluorescent lights, pretending to care about what cereal he prefers and why I should like the exact same thing and why we should never allow our imaginary children to eat what we grew up on. We then spend Saturday nights doing laundry, ignoring each other and slowly sliding down that slippery slope of ho hum normalcy. Is this what normal people do or just unhappily united couples? Sitting across the table from each other, faces locked into matching laptops, eating dinner, staring off into cyberspace? I’ve been apart of this scene and know other couples who have as well and refuse to once again smell the stench of mediocrity and unfulfilled expectations. Playing the role as ordinary and wondering where Jennie went, leaves me feeling depleted and the only way out of this cycle is to run! Once again, my whole life fits into a storage unit and its time to start over!

I am open to the fact that there is a man out there for each one of us that can take care of our needs, love us unconditionally, and love every weird quirky thing about me; all the while, not expecting me to change just because he wants to put his toothbrush next to mine. It’s not enough to have someone else’s love. It is equally important that you are able to reciprocate those feelings of love and respect. This apprehension has kept me technically single for a few good years now. I have tried a few attempts at what society defines as “relationships” and usually it’s me that goes running for the hills when it gets too real or on occasion I’ve met my match that “pulls a Jennie” before I can…talk about karma!

I occasionally change my mind, take a sporadic detour along my path of life…which by all means, I should. Is it so wrong I want to live my life enjoying the journey and not always having in mind a destination, deadline or a ladder to climb? This issue has poked its ugly little head into most of my relationships because the majority of Americans want security, normalcy and tradition. But no, not me… “Little Miss Fly by the seat of her pants, do everything but ordinary” does not want to invest in this tradition. I want to decorate my tradition with sequins, passport stamps and worldly knowledge. I want to marinate in all that life has to offer, travel millions of miles, shake many hands and learn from the minds of teachers, leaders and the world’s most successful entrepreneurs. If my bucket list consists of riding an elephant in India, milking goats and making goat cheese by the sea in Greece (which it does) and his is to slave away in a cubicle, have 2.5 kids and retire at 60….then somewhere along the road, someone will have to give up their dreams. Its time to start investigating more deeply into what you and a potential lova want out of life because if not, guess who will have to bury their dreams! That would be “Miss want to milk a goat”….then that leaves Granny Jennie sitting on the front porch telling her grandkids that I could’ve, should’ve, would’ve!! I want to be able to look back at my life when I am 110…and yes I said 110 because I plan to live a long healthy life singing Frank Sinatra’s “I did it myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy waaaaaaaaaay”!!

I do believe in both love and autonomy and that yes they can share a bed, have matching toothbrushes and finish each other’s sentences when common goals exist. Dreams are meant to be uniquely yours and most other people will never share the same ones. I would love to be loved and have a companion but not at the risk of mourning the loss of what once was Jennie, a dreamer, free spirited, adventurous little bird who dug her own grave to be someone’s main squeeze. Women, don’t loose that sexy, feminine flirtatious girlfriend role that your man fell for and men don’t forget to remain the prince that opened doors, complimented her endlessly and liked the way she dressed and wore her hair when you met!

To find a man….no… a CHAMPION, with the same spirit of adventure and compassion as myself would be ideal and I am hopeful he exists…..and where he does, I am willing to turn “I” into “we” but not with a silent ME!!

ABC- Always Be Closing

2010-11-10T16:49:00.000-08:00

ABC-Always Be Closing

Let’s pretend you’re in sales and have just nailed a presentation to one of the biggest potential clients you have in your “funnel.” The Wild West standoff has begun across the conference room table. Final negotiations on the terms of the contract, budgets and any added incentives to get them to sign on the dotted line are being discussed. You feel like there is no way they could walk away from this as the weighing out of the pros and cons of the agreement began. Much like dating; we face off, consider the agreement, our potential partner and then begin to negotiate the terms.

What do you possess that could be beneficial to me and my life? Do you have a good sense of humor, easy going nature, positive attitude, willingness to compromise, spontaneity, thoughtful, respectful….just to name a few of my non-negotiables. Either way, you put your best offer on the table…do your little song and dance routine while still considering the terms of the contract but eventually there comes a time when the cold calls and initial meetings are over and its down to decision making time.

Anyone who has ever been in sales would agree that a solid yes or no is all you want to hear. No one wants the “call ya back in two weeks”, “maybe next quarter” or “I still have a few more meetings before I make a decision.” Unfortunately putting a deadline on the bottom line isn’t exactly attractive when it comes to dating but why waste each other’s time when you already know you are still shopping around for a better deal or had no intention on signing in the first place! Those two weeks turn into a month than two months and your hanging on to that prospect thinking: they were totally sold on the presentation, they are just waiting for the budget to free up, another contract to end…aka “let me see what’s going to happen with this other so and so” and/or “I would rather be selfish and not have to think about anyone else”, or “I have Hefner syndrome and want to try to be an eternal bachelor and will die alone”. Point being…any way you interpret it, a delay in response is typically not a good thing. Most people shopping for a good deal, know it when they see it! There is no hesitation to sign that contract and kiss the other “potentials” goodbye!! If you’re a great deal and they don’t realize it before you have taken the offer off the table, well then….it won’t take the right one a second meeting before they ask “where do I sign.”

Blame it on human nature…everyone wants what you perceive to be unattainable, just a little bit too good to be true. It’s the chase, the trill of the hunt, which keeps some people chasing their tail, literally for years and years and ending up licking their own wounds.

What are you doing to sweeten the deal/ bait the hook to make me want to bite?? If I am going to sign an exclusive contract than there better be some incentives that go along with it. You better be prepared to stick to the terms of the contract and honor your commitment. I don’t need my other half, I am whole. Nor do I need someone to tell me how they think I should do everything. What I would like is a companion that laughs with me, seek out adventures together, pushes me past what I believe are to be my fears and can simply enjoy each others company. At the end of the day, with the world shut outside, can you just be together. Will this deal survive the competition, other offers

Most contracts have an expiration date that marks the end of the agreement or an option to re-sign. When it comes to dating, you honestly go in with the best intentions hoping there is no expiration date. There certainly comes a time when you should re-evaluate your agreement and decide whether you want to end the contract and move on, or re-sign and progress with the relationship to another level of commitment.

There is always the next step in a relationship and it’s similar to that of renegotiating the terms of contract. People grow and change as you should do throughout your life. You should learn from mistakes, overcome obstacles and become a wiser, stronger and a much nicer person. Don’t come back three months into the contract trying to negotiate a higher rate, terms you didn’t quite understand and claim you didn’t know what kind of agreement you were getting into. Before signing on that dotted line, you better do your research and know who’s sitting on the other side of the table that you want to go into business with. It takes some time to get to know someone and to find out what their motives and intentions are in life. If all they want is a quick deal to make some fast cash….well then they are shopping used car lots…put yourself on the new luxery lot! Those wheeling dealing people don’t care; they are just looking for the next deal to close.

Make your expectations known, your intentions true, so that when you go to the final meeting and decide whether or not you want to sign that contract, you have all your ducks in a row and you are ready to either decline or accept and sign on that line!

Love Is A Verb

2010-05-16T07:42:00.000-07:00

Agape –unconditional, Eros – romantic and Philia – brotherly

Love can exist everyday, anywhere. It doesn’t have to be mushy, only on Valentine’s Day, or while exchanging vows. That kind of love called Eros, is a love that is romantic, passionate and sensual. In Greco-Roman tradition the phenomenon of love was generally understood as madness from the gods. Stories and images of love’s arrows would pierce or wound the lover’s hearts and overwhelm them with a love sickness. The Romeo and Juliet’s of our history may be the only source, the only understanding some have of the verb, love. Or current versions of this love turn to obsession, stalking, or fatal attraction!

Love can simply equal kindness….are you really that busy you don’t have two seconds to let that one car out in front of you, hold the door for a stranger, wait while someone else takes too long to order their food. You can show love to stranger with just a smile. This my friends is, agape, an unconditional, true love for mankind. The Bible describes it as a sacrificial love. Love is patient, love is kind. It represents humility, unselfishness, along with understanding and acceptance for one another. Sometimes our differences are what balance out and create lasting relationships, that is only when we learn to accept them.

We have all heard “live like we were dying” even Tim McGraw agrees but why not “love like we were dying”…..such a novel concept! Not one of us is promised tomorrow. Would you honestly want your last day on earth to be spent crying over a silly situation you have no power to change, being angry because the clerk at the grocery store put too many groceries in one bag…because that drives me crazy! Seriously people, take it with a grain of salt. Do not let past hurts, the way someone treated you 10 years ago effect the way you treat the ones around you today. I learned first hand the hard way because I have pushed some very nice people away because I had not fully let go of some hurt that was still in my heart. It was never their fault I chose crappy relationships, but they sure were paying for it. So maybe you grew up in a not so affectionate home where no one said “I love you” or hugged and kissed each other hello and goodbye. I am soo thankful that I did! Even though some days we showed our love for one another by fist fighting over the remote control, getting slapped in the face with a pair of blue jeans or pulling the chair out from under each other. We love hard – “that’s what us Goins’ do.” We hug you and love you and pet you, we do everything 100%. Philia- the love of loyalty, felt from parents to their children, within a family or friendships. It is a mere acceptance of each other no matter what but it requires virtue! Everyone has a different way to love and be loved. No matter where you are with love a must read is “The Five Love Languages”. It explains how different personalities need to be loved and how to love everyone and I mean everyone! Even if they are a negative Nancy who fusses about the weather, the drive to work and the drive home from work…..work, then about you, and then about him, you can love that person too!

Could you even conceive of how different the world would be if instead of allowing anger to eat you up when someone makes you mad, you forgave them? Instead of shooting someone over a drug deal gone bad, you turned the other cheek, let them have their crack and walk away. I know from living in Charlotte that this place could benefit from less crime and retaliation. If only we sowed kindness and love instead of anger and resentment how much more peaceful could our lives be. I recently had the privilege to participate in a “helping hands mission” with my parents and their church. I have found that over time, I benefit more from self-less acts and kindness than being selfish and doing just for Jennie. To see the gratitude come across these people's face in return for a hot dog lunch, few articles of clothing and some can food, overflows my heart and is in one word… Love! There were people who were surprised that someone actually wanted to help them, and that we were just giving those supplies out of love. There were single people, couples and families up to six people who were on disability, unemployment and had health issues. During the registration process, almost every single person checked the box that asked if “they would like for a church to contact them.” Imagine that, over 500 people in one day in Thomasville, wanted someone to reach out to them. Unfortunately we like to think we are soooo busy with our own business we would quickly pass them by on the street on the way to have our $6 coffee and power lunch with colleagues that we never once think to show them generosity or kindness. There were those who filled out their information cards that asked for prayer for themselves, their health, family, a job….the same thing you and I, who are more fortunate, have on our hearts and minds! A war vet came in….(insert joke here) – that fought in the “Veteran War” ba dum dum, with his hat on and was so thrilled to get a hot dog lunch and a box of food, he grinned ear to ear and kept saying, “thank you”, “wow”, “thank you”! This man went to war for our country and is now barely getting by off of his social security and disability. He made a huge sacrifice to fight for us and all we did was give him a hot dog and he’s the one saying thank you!!

We must do more. There is a call to action here people. It is to sew generosity and kindness every step of your day. It may take a little more effort or a few more seconds, but the rewards you’ll reap from showing love can change a person’s life. A word of encouragement and a positive outlook just may be all another person needs to get by that day. Stop tearing people down with your judgemental comments and build them up. The challenge here is to be kind to a stranger, but better yet, be kind to those who already love you and accept you for everything you are or everything you are not. They are the grease in your gears, the oil in your motor…which reminds me I need oil change! And oh yea, if you change the oil in your car every few thousands miles, don’t you think YOU need a little oil change? We all get weary, worn out, stressed out from everyday life events, so take a little time for yourself to be silent, with no TV, just you and who ever you choose to meditate on and reflect on everything you have to be thankful for…a job, a home, friends, family, food in the fridge, a car, A/C, and the freedom that you have a choice!! Gratitude changes your attitude to one of acceptance and allows better things to come your way.

I would much rather have engraved on my urn (because I want to be cremated and returned to the earth, preferably to the ocean) that I loved too much, I was too kind to people who mistreated me and my bubbly, too happy personality got on your nerves, than have R.I.P – Rest in Peace- meaning your welcome you’re gone because you never had a day of living peace nor did the people around you!!

I dare you…be nice, be generous, love a little more!! Agape, Aros, or Phylos – do love!

Lights, Camera, Action!

2010-04-19T11:05:00.000-07:00

Life is a stage. Lights, camera, action…put on your make up, suck in your gut, and get ready to act the best you, you know how. Some people perform on the likes of Broadway while others never really get off their high school drama club stage, but either way, every time you walk out your front door….Scene! But once the lights go out….its back to that naggy woman, that man that farts in front of you, leaves the toilet seat up and secretly expects you to “know your role”!

Why do we feel the need to put on such a show? Is staying true to yourself...just being you sooo hard to do? Is it because we don’t genuinely like and accept ourselves…is that the reason for the show? Some of us are CEOs, mothers, wives, belly dancers, artists, computer geeks, sociopaths, and mentally unstable but no matter what category you may fall in, own it! I’ve seen men and women both do it time and time again and guess what!! Eventually your acting skills will wear off, the lights go down and behind the scenes, that mess of yourself you were trying to hide is in full view. Now you are a fake, a phony and those people who were waiting for autographs after the show, have quietly packed their bags and let themselves out!

Don’t be a stay at home mom just because you are entering your 30’s and all your friends are doing it, if you prefer to work 9-5 then go ahead sista! Some men are intimidated by successful head strong women that know what they want and go after it. If that’s the case, then they aren’t the man for you! If they are looking for an Ellie Mae to birth some children, cook a meatloaf and sew some clothes for the babies, then don’t pretend you want to ditch your suits and power lunches for a mini van and “Mommy and Me” classes if that’s not what you truly want. If you choose to save the world one kitten and smile at a time...then chase that dream!
Either way just be honest with yourself and what you want the next scene in your life to be...Just be!

I certainly understand why some people try to hide their true selves, their past mistakes and their not so glorious moments in time, but that’s what makes you, you! I mean.. those days of dancing in the cages at the Spanish Galleon in head-to-toe zebra print were some of my best times, but in hind sight….shheeeezz you couldn’t pay me to do that now..…well maybe! My very first waitress job was a Hooters girl and I remember momma saying “oh Jennie, what are people in Thomasville going to think” and my 19 yr old sassy response was, “I don’t care what people in Thomasville think!” Un-beknownced to me I worked for a huge drug dealer from the west coast who took me and all my friends to Mexico for what my naïve little mind thought was to reward us for working hard..….this was pre-Natalie Holloway! At the time I had a blast; made some mistakes, but man do they make for good story telling. I don’t regret any job I’ve had and try to not regret the men I’ve dated. Although I've had to learn some things the hard way and insist on trying everything just once…which have included everything from ……trading in my Mercedes for a Firebird, breaking up with the nice guy to date the bad boy, mistaking control and manipulation for love. I refuse to regret anything because they all represent the pieces of the puzzle that make up my life story. Although there are days, I feel like I am not where I "think" I should be, at least I am not where I was! You have to be willing to take risks, to step out and find out without having the entire blueprint of your life. One step at a time….we don’t have instincts and gut feelings for no reason at all, that’s your inner conscious yelling at you…pay attention to me, or for some of us it could be your other personality and in that case, self medicate!

I’ve tried my hand at love a few times, and in return got a broken heart wrapped up in a neat little bow. Now don’t mistake this for a “whoa is me – Eiore statement”. I really am ok with it because for the first time in my life, I have embraced Jennie and who I am as a woman…every little freckle, and all my lovely lady lumps.

As you all know, I openly exploit my humblest moments for your entertainment as well as a paint by number explanation to why I am me! There was J, my first grown up relationship even though I was only 20. I attempted to be brave and say I love you first and his response was “thank you”…..really? nice! But he did manage to give me chocolates for Valentines Day that said “I ♥ You”. That was all I got, that was until he broke up with me over the phone the night before I got all four wisdom teeth cut out of my head, great timing!! His reasoning is “I don’t want to hold you back…your young..blah blah”. But my 20 year old mind was saying…no but please, your some what normal…hold me back! In actuality, it was perfect timing because thanks to the codeine and my parents being there to take care of me, I got over the break-up while existing in my “false sense of well-being” fog! I was never pretty enough, skinny enough, anything enough for this guy! I remember telling my sister that he didn’t think I was funny. At the time, I thought it was the age difference; he didn’t get my sense of humor but come on!! She was shocked…she said “If he doesn’t think you are funny, he doesn’t get you”…so true! So honestly I should send him a thank you note for letting me go in order to find someone who can appreciate all of me!!

Speaking of performances…"Satan", well he deserved an Oscar for best villain in the motion picture of “Operation Destroy Jennie's Life” He was what I have deemed a broken down “Rico-wannabe-Suave” ex football star, ex model, ex descent human being, that drifted around through life using and abusing people. So of course, I took him in like a homeless shelter. Yep, you got it, savior complex once again! He made my life a living hell, stole my innocence and ability to believe that everyone deserved the benefit of the doubt. He masterminded techniques to manipulate and control my every move. He verbally abused me, tore me down to a sad shadow of who I used to be. He stole my sunshine, I didn’t laugh, smile or cut jokes. I was trapped in a house…he swindled me into buying. I was trapped inside myself and was too ashamed to ask for help because I had allowed all of it to happen. He created guilt to trap me into this life I had no idea I was getting into!

Even though these relationships acted as speed bumps in my life, I learned that I could pick myself up and get back to being who I was with the help of true friends and family. I didn’t stay true to myself and I will never allow a man to stifle my creativity, laughter and joy ever again! I grew into a stronger, wiser woman who still wants true love and romance but now I can read between the lines and the deceit! So any man who wants all the love, compassion and thoughtfulness that I have to offer has to be real, genuine, and true to himself. If he is a nerd…well then be a nerd! If he is a over grown jock that cant give up his glory days of high school and college then lets play flag football! But don’t try to be something you are not, because the truth always surfaces no matter how deep you think you buried it.

We all need to stop hiding our past and embrace it and laugh at ourselves. It took me a long time to be able to tell the ridiculous stories about “Satan” because it still hurt. Now the stories are quite comical because I’ve embraced it as my past and it has made me who I am today. I’ve had men pull the “Ohhh you got the woman scorn, damaged goods syndrome” dance around my heart and don’t want to get too close because they think I’m incapable of love after someone treated me that way, but you know what…if your scared, then keep on walking! This is me, what made me who I am today and I can love 100% and be as loyal as a cocker spaniel, but only to someone that knows themselves and accepts me and all my goofiness and sass!

The lights are my sunshine, the camera are those who surround me and witness this beautiful life that unfolds everyday and the action is all the adventures I select to be apart of along my journey…this stage I call life! When I step on stage, “I am me” the title to my first book I wrote at the ripe ol age of seven. Before I even knew who I was as a person, I was setting things straight…”I am Me”.

Reduce, Re-use and Recycle

2010-01-11T19:27:00.000-08:00

Its so trendy to think about our environment and take care of mother earth so reduce, reuse and recycle is an excellent concept to live by as far as your trash is concerned but when it comes to an ex….leave yesterdays trash in the dump!! My Daddy always said “dogs don’t shit where they eat”…in other words don’t do something you will regret later a.k.a recycle an ex!

I have to admit that I used to have what I call the “savior complex”. Basically if you have the “screwed up, your parents didn’t hug you enough, no ones ever loved you” syndrome, I would welcome you with arms wide open and warm smiles. I suppose I was somewhat of a “rescue mission” for mentally unstable, selfish assholes. Needless to say, it never has panned out for my benefit but on the other hand; my cases all ended up with at least a few months of free counseling, much needed attention and a stable environment and not to mention some home cooking. Through the years, I have made a point to learn from my mistakes and try really hard not to repeat my savior complex behavior or “recycle”! This leads me to the ever so…I’m bored/lonely, haven’t dated anyone in a while…lets get back with the ex reasoning that single people do with themselves. We have all had our moments of weakness where you send out a little S.O.S text or phone call to test the waters. It’s certainly ok to check on someone to see how they are doing, its kind …but leave it! They are still the same person that threw their cell phone at your head, stole your credit card to buy you an engagement ring, lied about their marital status, slept with other women when they were on their lunch break and that’s why you dumped them in the first place!!

As always, I am willing to exploit some of my most humbling moments for your entertainment and hopefully to prove a point! I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt…time and time again, even though they have proved me wrong. I suppose it’s my little humanitarian heart that wants to believe in peace on earth, true love, and my knight in shining armor!

I try to protect the identity of those who inspire me so I coin nick names for them. My muse: Pill Popper John. I should have known from college that he was a big mess, with his oh so charming pick up lines he would use on me in Algebra class. The ol “Nice shirt, it would look better in my floor”, “you want to come over and make-out between classes”….and those were the nice ones. He was always really rude and inappropriate and called me a high maintenance Princess, which should have been a red flag that I was too good for him because he was practically telling me so. Years later, I happen to run into him in a different city, exchange cards and set a dinner date. I thought I would give him second chance since he had certainly convinced himself that since he was 30 he had grown up. He took me to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant, only to be followed by a beer pong competition at a co-workers house. He proceeded to chug keg beer, become beer pong champion and disappear for who knows how long, only to emerge half conscious and drooling. Reason being…”oh why not take a vicoden, I’m not going to drive home anyway, I’ve had too much to drink”…sweeet he drove me there. So I go outside to call my dependable cab lady to tell her I’m desperate and to come find me. He stumbles out on porch, tries to sweet talk me into staying and just cant seem to understand “why am I soo pissed, it’s a party, loosen up”…..then yep….he falls off the front porch into the bushes…..end scene! But not so much, I still felt bad for him and went out on a second date….yes I know, what the hell? That one did it for me though. After a few beers at what I like to call an “adult Chuck E Cheese” he started wailing on a punching bag so hard people were starting to stare. Then he proceeded to tell me about having to go to anger management classes and how anger issues pretty much ran in his family (getting my coat, looking for the door) and to top it off, he took off his collar shirt, yes in the bar, to reveal…..the angry leprechaun tattoo….I swear! At that moment, I was in a full sprint!

If people say they have changed most likely they haven’t especially if they have to tell you they have, clearly it’s not enough! It didn’t work out the first time for a reason. For someone to truly change its only because they genuinely want to be nicer, more considerate, and monogamous for once! These changes come with age, heartbreak, mistakes and trials in life.

You have to ask yourself, are you willing to let love in? Are you truly open and available for someone to love you? It’s not someone else’s job to like you, its yours and when you do, then others will just naturally be drawn to you. If you don’t like yourself, your situation or place in life, well guess what, no one else is going to find that desirable either. I laughed when my mom wanted me to have the Jane Seymour “open hearts collection” because she thought I wasn’t open to being loved. Well she was right....because I wasn’t for a long time. I always found something wrong with someone and pushed them away before the “F” word showed its face.….and I mean feelings! Like always, she was right; I needed a constant reminder to be open to love no matter how scary it may be. With great risk comes great reward. If an ex made you close up, push others away and not believe in love….then never and I repeat never go back to them nor give them the credit for keeping you from finding love! Dogs know better than to shit where they eat so why would humans with rational thinking do it??

One mans trash is another’s mans treasure. So stop feeling guilty about letting your little ex butterflies flutter around or fly to another flower…someone else will find their bad breath, annoying laugh, ugly toes, and bad table manners endearing.

Baby’s Breath Men – No fillers please!

2009-11-19T13:10:00.000-08:00

Maybe its just my champagne taste or my impeccable preference for the finer things in life (haha) but when I look at a beautiful bouquet of flowers, which I haven’t in a while because for some reason men are retarded to the fact that chivalry is NOT dead, I want to see calla lilies, roses, birds of paradise, exotic orchids, do you get the picture or shall I continue? I don’t want no stinking carnations, pansies and worst of all baby’s breath… paaalease, just like I don’t want baby’s breath men…they are just fillers, substitutes if you will for the real deal. Either way, let me help you visualize this, a bouquet of flowers symbolizes that of your dating life. Why fill your bouquet of life with imitation men and or women? You wouldn’t go to a 5-star restaurant and insist on having the imitation crab, heck no, you want that quality fresh from the Chesapeake Bay blue crab meat …you know what I’m saying! So why wouldn’t you require the same for your dating life?

You are the florist of your life, decorating and arranging your vase with each relationship and dating experience. I don’t know about you but I’ve had my fair share of pansies and baby’s breath and I’m ready to eliminate the crap and start being the master floral expert and fill my vase full of exquisite, centerpiece worthy men! You wouldn’t invite company over for dinner and stick a crappy bouquet of baby’s breath and carnations on the center of the table in an urn now would you? But for some reason we will allow half ass men that just aren’t enough to be apart of your life, introduce them to friends and make excuses for them and their bad behavior! A real man needs to make you laugh, make you feel like a pretty pretty princess, lift you up when you are down, encourage you when someone rains on your parade and puff out his chest like Superman because he is proud to have you on his arm! Simply put by the great pre-crack is whack Whitney Houston “I need a man who’ll take a chance on a love that burns hot enough to last….Ohhhh I wanna dance with somebody!” When the time comes that you can sing that anthem at the top of your lungs and there a man that can fan the flames that burn deep in your loins… then and only then should you allow him to become the center piece of your life. There is no need to settle for second-rate relationships. There are not required by law…and if you treat yourself better than your current fling/relationship/flavor of the week…then why would you downgrade and take yourself off the market? I agree with Beyonce, “Partner let me up grade you, flip a new page, let me introduce you to some new things and upgrade you”….no downgrades, no mediocre men for me!

Baby’s breath is used to just fill in the holes of a bouquet for someone that was too cheap to splurge on some nice foliage or more flowers. Ladies and gentlemen, why do we insist on wasting time on people that we know are not good enough for us? Quality is certainly better than quantity! Maybe it is due to the increasingly popular mental health disorders or a little imbalance in the brain that makes us all an occasional glutton for punishment but enough is enough!! Sure they can occupy your free time here and there, text messages you when you are bored or not with someone else, yes I said it! Simply put, you can’t magically turn that sorry baby’s breath man into the lily of the valley, birds of paradise, or a classic rose…you can’t change someone into what you want them to be. If you can’t accept the person for who they are, then they are not right for you! Now you can try to make a few minor changes like hair cut, clothing choices, and sheew what is with men that can’t dress themselves these days?? Maybe I should invent Garanimals for adults….that’s a thought! I am always willing to step it up a notch for a man I am interested in and that street most certainly goes both ways. We get a little lazy in the middle of relationships and that’s when the wondering eye comes in!

Its time we start treating each other the way that we want to be treated and if that certain someone cannot reciprocate that novel idea then….stop watering those flowers!! They will wilt away and soon enough, there will be mold, they will stink, and you will just let it sit in your flower vase of life while it festers until finally your sorry ass decides to throw it out one day. And when that day comes, uggghhhh moldy stinky flowers, you will wonder why you didn’t do it earlier!

I challenge you to take a little survey of your life and the people that you allow in it. What are these people bringing into your life? Are they uplifting, encouraging, fun to be with or do they use you, put you in a funk and suck all the fun out of you?? I want to be proud of my arrangement and that feeling should be mutual. Don’t allow those baby breath men to suck the oxygen and water out of your vase. The only fillers I need in my life are restylane and botox! So get out your sheers, its time to prune and make room!!

I've Got Sunshine...on a Cloudy Day!

2009-11-09T08:02:00.000-08:00

I’ll be glad to share my sunshine with you but I certainly won’t let you steal it :)

I shall deem this my declaration of independence and happiness. Everyday gives you the opportunity to learn something new about yourself, life and the choice to be a better person. Now, don’t mistake this as me on my soapbox but do take this as the way I have chosen to live my life and if you can take something away from it, then wonderful, and if it pisses you off, well then…that's unfortunate but I will not apologize for being happy anymore! I’m not where I want to be but I definitely am not where I used to be… …but I do feel the need to address something that seems to be reoccurring in my life lately. Have you ever noticed that when you are doing something in your life or not doing something in your life but still remain full of joy and happiness despite what may be challenging you, that’s when the bombardment of opinions from those around you seem to come at you like darts. Although I gladly welcome constructive criticism because yes it is part of growing, I will not and repeat will not accept negativity, judgment and just plain out mean criticism. Everyone has a different path in life and thank god for that!! Could you imagine if we were all going after the same “nonexistent perfect man” the same “perfect job” and the same “perfect lifestyle”?? Part of being a friend is to accept others the way they are, their ideas and what they value, even if it is different from yours. I like to surround myself with people I can learn from whether it is culturally, a new hobby or skill, or just someone who enjoys life and can have a good ol “donkey” laugh with you. (Donkey laugh- uncontrollable, loud and not so cute from the diaphragm laugh)

Unfortunately, you have to be aware and guard yourself from those people who want to steal your sunshine. It is so easy to take offence to words someone says to you or about you but at the same time I have to realize that they are talking because they are thinking about you! My momma always says "Hurting people hurt". Although she isn't a widely known prophet she certainly is in my family. It makes a lot of sense. Those who hurt other with their words and actions are the ones who are actually suffering but there is no telling whats is going on in their lives. It takes a stronger person to turn the other cheek and walk away from a nasty mean hearted comment than to stay and fight with words. All you can do is hope that your actions will cause them to reflect a little. No one is ever right all the time, no one is ever done growing and no one can make you happy, that is something that you choose and go after yourself...like a starving lion in the wilderness….go capture you happiness and devour it like its the last meal you will ever enjoy!!

I find myself having to declare my happiness out loud, possibly as reassurance for myself but more so to fend off the evil spirits….aka “the haters”. At any level of success there will always be someone around the corner that doesn't want to congratulate you, share your happiness and encourage you and that's why they are called haters, something is missing in their lives. Let your haters be your motivators! Everything is not meant to be understood, you just have to accept it and have faith that it happened for a reason that is bigger than you. Trying to rationalize everything little thing is only going to frustrate you and hold you back. Of course things are going to happen in life to trip you up, to throw you off of your game and those you surround yourself with can sometimes be the biggest stumbling blocks in life!! What matters is how you accept it, learn from it and move on....YES I SAID MOVE ON and sometimes that can mean literally moving!

I have realized over the past year that many things have been thrown into my path that should have kept me down, that could have gotten the best of me, but I refused. I refuse to let anyone steal my joy, I refuse to allow anyone to criticize me about how I choose to live MY life and I refuse to “dump ugly” on those around me for the sake of thinking it would make me feel better. Encourage your friends and family, compliment someone, just think a little outside of the “you box” and think about if the things you do and say, hurt or help others. Now I’m not trying to be little Miss Sunshine and “Don’t worry be happy” but I’d much rather be considered sunshine than a rainy cloud!

Cultivate humility and kindness because everyone could use a little more nice than a lot more ugly in this world :)

Patrick Swayze - My American Man Idol

2009-09-29T19:24:00.000-07:00

Patrick Swayze – The sexiest man to ever jump of a stage, to get baby out of the corner, and to confirm that yes, men can be masculine, passionate and sensitive all wrapped up into a Swayze…that is the man, the myth, the legend.

Patrick Swayze may best be known for his role as Johnny Castle in the 1987 box office hit Dirty Dancing. The magnetic chemistry between him and co-star Jennifer Grey as Baby, portrayed this raw attraction, fire and passion that every woman has longed for since their experience with the movie. He was born to a rodeo champion and a ballet dancer…what a perfect combination! The grace of a dancer and the rugged masculinity of a man that can tame a bull, that’s who Patrick Swayze was. Although Ghost was a hit movie as well and he succeeded as being the first person in history to make pottery sexy, Dirty Dancing in my heart, still stands as the best movie of all time and invites me to fall in love with Johnny Castle, every time.

Swayze as Johnny Castle was my first man crush, the first time I understood what passion was, the first man ass I ever saw, and still my favorite. His bad boy sex appeal and fearless attitude made me wants to pack my bags and go off to summer camp for the rare chance of meeting my Johnny. And yes, I actually did that after high school and ended up bunking in a room full of girls, sharing a community bathroom and having a curfew and did I forget to mention that it was a Baptist camp so no dirty dancing allowed, which equaled no Johnny.

Ohh that black t-shirt, the cocked eyebrow, the nod of his head and that sexy grin, it gives a girl chills, ohhh why do we like the bad boy? Johnny Castle has been an inspiration throughout my entire life. I definitely mimicked his jumping off the stage at the Freaky Tiki club in Myrtle Beach during a Booty shake contest, in which I won, thank you! He also inspired my final exam presentation in my sign language class in college where I did a tribute to Dirty Dancing and signed “She’s like the wind” (written by Swayze inspired by his wife) seriously, and it was fabulous, I got an A! Even my older sister learned how to play the clarinet via the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. It holds a place in history and in every girl’s heart that has watched the movie and fantasized about meeting their Johnny, falling in love and jumping off that stage into his arms for the lift…oh yea and you know you made every boyfriend recreate that scene!

Just thinking of his sweaty body moving to the beat of the music could make any ovulating woman swoon. Remember when Johnny said “It’s not on the one; it’s not the mambo…. It’s a feeling, a heartbeat…(thud, thud thud, thud, thud thud)….yeeeuusss that’s what’s missing, allowing your heart to be heard. Hungry eyes, that passion, that lust to crawl across the floor singing “Baby, awww baby, my sweet baby, you’re the one!” Thank you Patrick Swayze for embodying what a real man is suppose to be. A man should be a masculine, smooth talking cowboy on the outside with the grace of a ballet dancer on the inside. Then add the passion of a lion running through the desert of the Serengeti to catch the gazelle and tear it to shreds to feast upon and now we’re talking!! He had that swagger and confidence when no words are needed. Ahh, that’s what I want, a man to take my face in his hands, kiss me on the forehead and sends chills to the top of my head, turning me into a limp noodle. All Johnny has to do is nod his head, grin and with his hungry eyes say “Come over her woman so I can pillage you and make sweet cowboy love to you” and I’m sold. I’m sorry men, especially the ones in my past but thanks to Johnny Castle, I’ve always had unrealistic expectations of what love is and what its suppose to be like to be swept off your feet, literally.

I feel like Baby when she says to Johnny: "Me? I’m scared of everything, I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way that I feel when I’m with you” ahhhhhhh my heart still races when I read this quote…..yes Baby, that’s love!!

Although sometimes I sing to my self “I want to know what love is…I want you to show me” (that would be the Foreigner version not Mariah Carey) I sometimes wonder, is there another, will there ever be…. another Johnny Castle aka Patrick Swayze. He is a legend, a man of heart and soul who never gave up…not even when he was given a death sentence after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He worked and fought courageously to the very end, RIP Patrick Swayze (*tear). Because of his art…”I’ve had the time of my life…..No I never felt this way before” that gives me enough hope to hold out for my Johnny.

It has to be the ending scene that did it for me when Johnny took Baby up on that stage and told all those people, “I'm gonna do my kind of dancin' with a great partner, who's not only a terrific dancer; somebody who's taught me that there are people willing to stand up for other people no matter what it costs them; somebody who's taught me about the kind of person I wanna be.” Well dammit, I am too. I’m going do my kind of dancin’, I’m going to need a great partner, somebody that will stand beside of me and not in front of me, someone who can push me to be a better me, someone that can romance me with his eyes, his hungry eyes, hungry for Jennie, grrrr. Someone who can look at me and say….

“Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth
and I owe it all to you
'Cause I've had the time of my life
and I owe it all to you”

“I've been waiting for so long
Now I've finally found someone
To stand by me”…me too yes!
"Now with passion in our eyes
There's no way we could disguise it secretly
So we take each other's hand
'Cause we seem to understand the urgency"

"Just remember
You're the one thing
I can't get enough of
So I'll tell you something"

“This could be love because”……ahhh the pause, the longing, the gazing into each other’s eyes…the ohhh I want to make out with you face moment, I love it!!

Then we sing together gloriously at the top of our lungs at the first dance of our wedding…yes I said it! I don’t even have a boyfriend, let alone a fiance or a wedding planned but I do have one thing planned and that my friends, is the display of my inner soul in the form of dance…...and in unison we sing:

”I've had the time of my life
No I never felt this way before
Yes I swear it's the truth
And I owe it all to you
'Cause I've had the time of my life
And I've searched through every open door
'Til I found the truth"….. I’ve searched through too many open doors and unfortunately found a lot of things and it wasn’t the truth.

And I owe it all to you”……then he kisses her hand and turns around and jumps off that stage with his shirt torn open exposes his pecs in all their glory and yes, yeeeessssss, that’s it! Where is the man that’s going to jump off a stage for me and “just let it go and don’t be afraid to lose control”!! All I can say is, Patrick Swayze...what a man!

The Gift of Giving

2009-09-27T14:03:00.000-07:00

The Gift of Giving: National MS Bike Race 2009

Yesterday, I participated in my first charity Bike Race for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. When I signed up for the 23 mile race through two counties, I knew that it was going to be a challenge and that I would be sore and probably feel the need to quit before I crossed the finish line but I never once thought of the emotional and mental gifts I would receive upon completion. When my best friend convinced me to sign up for this event, I laughed at the thought of us wearing head to toe spandex, and a bike helmet. Come to find out, we did manage to still look cute in those get-ups. When we showed up to check in for the race, it was only 60 degrees raining and windy, that I did not sign up for! I looked around me at the crowds forming. These were the people I was riding for, people living with MS. I had never met any of them but the moment I saw their smiling faces cheering for me, I could hear a little voice inside of them saying, thank you.
As we lined up at the starting point, I looked around to size up the other riders. Some looked like serious bike riders and some pretty out of shape. I told myself, you got this!! I have been working out a lot, eating healthy, taking my vitamins and probably the healthiest I have ever been in my life. God didn’t give me these she-man thighs just for looks, I was to use them for good, to punish them and max out their ability. The moment we took off I was so proud to be a part of such a wonderful event I was giggly, then we rounded the corner to see the first hill. I kicked it in high gear and peddled really hard, really fast and made it...and unfortunately was already panting. I thought, wow my training didn't include hills like this, I wasn't expecting to have to climb hills this steep, this is going to be harder than I thought. By the time I had made it around the 9 mile mark, my thighs were about to explode, I was panting so hard my chest hurt and I had to get off my bike a few times and push it up some of the hills. I almost cried a few times out of disapointment in myself, the pain, and the thought that I may have to quit. The super riders had already smoked me by this point, then mile by mile, the “out of shape riders”, kids and grandpas were passing me by with “on your left”!
When I signed up, my friends and family laughed it off, literally and I understood because I talk a lot and come up with lots of ideas and sometimes do not follow through, which I am sure they assumed for this one as well. Not only did I want to prove to myself that I am not a quitter and that I can do anything with courage and determination, I wanted to prove it to everyone else that waiting at the finish line. These people have been fighting an uphill battle with this disease, some for months and some for many years and would not even have the chance to participate because they are not physically able to, and I had the nerve to think about quitting? As I rounded a corner, out of breath and desperately seeking a rest area, I saw a man in front of me that had also gotten off his bike and started pushing it, so I didn’t feel so bad since I had to as well. I caught up with him and as we pushed our bikes together he told me about his wife, that was why he was riding, she had been living with MS for ten years. We both laughed when we discussed how much training we had done in preparation, neither one of us did too much. He told me that he promised his wife that he would finish that race, whether he rode that bike, pushed, pulled it or drug it across that finish line, it didn’t matter, what mattered was the journey we were on. I had no choice after that, but to suck up the pain and to get back on that bike. That was all I need to inspire me to keep going.
At the halfway rest stop my best friend, who had left me in the dust, came running to the road cheering me on along with other volunteers and riders. We got some water, some sugar and stretched a little and got right back in the saddle. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the last 10 miles were fairly easy and that God had answered my prayers with quickness. The first 13 miles I prayed for it to get easier, to just let me cruise down some hills. Tricia and I rode side by side singing Destiny Child’s “I’m a Survivor, I’m not going to give up” and enjoyed the rest of the journey and even a few laughs! I felt refreshed and ready to fight this battle of pushing myself past my comfort zone, enduring physical pain and overcoming a mentality that giving up was an option. Society today allows us too many chances to quit, we make it ok, and it’s not! We have to push ourselves to climb the hills in life, to overcome the obstacles that will always exist and to believe in yourself, that you can and will cross that finish no matter how hard the climb. Do it for you, do it for others. I was able to face a mental and emotional battle that was inside of me, that I was scared to face until yesterday. Pushing my body through the pain, up the hills, in the rain, alone, gave me time to reflect on my life and that there is no one, nothing to fear but fear itself!!
As we approached the finish line, our friends who had already finished, MS survivors and volunteers stood at that line cheering for us, I realized that this was the first time in almost 10 years that I had crossed a finish line. I was overwhelmed with joy, satisfaction for completing the race, and most of all I had overcome myself. I did not have a physical handicap that slowed me down, I had a mental handicap called doubt. Months of rejection in the “real world” searching for a career and hurt and guilt that I had carried with me from the past had poisoned my mind and my heart. I had let it get the best of me until I got to the point of not wanting to try anymore. If I didn’t put myself out there, I couldn’t get rejected, which equaled no more hurt…right? Although I appeared confident on the outside, on the inside there was something, someone convincing me that I did not deserve to be successful in life or love, and that someone was me. This bike ride was therapy, although a little painful at times, pushed me to rid myself of doubt. It gave me the courage to try, the courage to fight harder and the courage to believe in myself and that I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me and we did. I finally made a break-through in my life and it wasn’t by focusing on myself, it happened because I was self-less and participated in this ride for people suffering from MS. Sometimes healing can come when we least expect it. When we forget about our own motivations and intentions and simply become a servant of God and for others. I crossed the finish line, I completed the race physically and now I have completed the race mentally that has kept me running from feelings and attitudes I needed to face.
Sow generosity and kindness, reap the good life and love. Challenge yourself to climb those hills and to cross that finish line in life, no matter what it may be, physically or mentally.

The Facebook Block

2009-09-21T13:44:00.000-07:00

The Facebook Block
"To stalk or not to stalk, that is the question"

If you haven’t heard of Facebook yet, then you must be living under a rock, or socially network challenged. Along with the advantages of Facebook i.e. keeping up with long distance friends, reconnecting with old ones and stalking new ones, also comes jealously, insecurity and might I mention again, stalking…which in the state of North Carolina is defined by the General Assembly as: a pattern of following, observing, or monitoring a person, which can very much describe your own Facebook behavior. My favorite so far of the Facebook shananagins would have to be what I call the “Facebook block”. It has to be the ultimate…”Oh no he didn’t” move in cyber history…well besides stealing someone’s identity. Until recently I thought I had been the only one of my friends to get cyber dissed by a jealous ex that had to read into ever status update and message written on my wall. My little bit of advice to anyone who feels the need to snoop or cyber stalk a significant other is…if you are going cross that line and go looking for something, you better be prepared for what you may find! And most of the time, you are going to over react and assume that every status update has to do with you or that random girl in one of his pictures is a tramp that’s trying to steal your “potential man”.

The first time I got the good ol…”in ya face…Facebook block” it was right after this guy and I had decided to part ways and end our “romantic” relationship. A few days later I spent some time with friends, playing board games and goofing off. They taught me this new charades game called “Bernardo” which was an absolute riot which I promote heavily to anyone who has a sense of humor. Just a little bit about myself, I tend to cover up my true feelings with humor and use it as a defense mechanism to keep the male species wondering so that I never feel vulnerable…which is a whole other blog in itself. Anyhoo, although I was little bummed about the recent events…I choose to see the bright side of things so the next day I updated my status to “I would like to thank my friends for introducing me to my new friend Bernardo last night, we had too much fun.” Definitely an inside joke, only the people I was hanging out with would have known what I was talking about. Which also brings me to another Facebook etiquette rule: Thou shalt not make comments on someones page about a update if you have no clue what they are talking about, clearly its not meant for everyone to understand or they would have included a definition. Moving right along…not 30 min after updating my Facebook I received a text message from “the boy” stating “I wish you a Bernardo the best, hope you have a good life together”!!!!! What the heck, really? I had to laugh out loud because he really made himself look like a jealous fool. Granted, he may have a still been a little sore about the decision to part ways but that reaction only solidified my decision that we were not meant to be together and if he tend to read into my sarcasm with jealously….NEXT!

Another victim of the “oh no he didn’t…Facebook block” was one of my girlfriends, we will call her Miss West for privacy. We had just gotten back home from Vegas a few days before, where not everything stays BTW!! A few pictures were posted, some great, some incriminating and some completely innocent. But within hours, she got the “block” from her ex. I am sure it’s all because she looked too hot, had too much fun and met some sexy men along the way, all with absolutely nothing to do with him. Bless his heart, I suppose he thought she would be miserable without him in Las Vegas and would receive no attention from any man….well SURPRISE, life does go on! Like I said before, if you can’t handle it, then don’t look for it!

Allow me to re-iterate about Facebook etiquette, it does exist, maybe not to all members, but for myself…I make up my own rules. As I mentioned earlier about the no comment when you have no clue rule, here is another one. Thou shall not try and date me via Facebook. If you do not have the cojones to ask for my phone number (bc I think it’s crazy if you publish it along with your address) or pick up the phone and call me, then you won’t have the cojones to keep up with me. I know men and women both are super confident when they are typing away about how great they are behind their laptops but if you have not updated your picture in a year and are not nearly as cool and you convince yourself you are, then chances are, your cyber relationship will fizzle as soon as its gets some fresh air.

I find the Facebook block to be humorous and sad at the same time. You can bet though, if a person is going to over react because of your status updates, imagine what it would be like trying to make plans with your girlfriends for a ladies night or for guy’s night. That kind of person will be elbow deep in your night stand, cell phone, email accounts, trying to find something incriminating in your information and or pictures and will convince themselves that you are doing something wrong. You can’t control what people think about you and how they perceive you via your Facebook, but you can control what you put out there and who you consider a “friend.”

This goes for men and women, if you choose to Facebook stalk someone you are interested in or a current boyfriend or girlfriend, do not and I repeat do not assume that their status updates, relationship status, wall comments and picture captions have anything to do with you! It’s Facebook for crying out loud, an online social network, not a meet and greet and hopefully land the person of your dreams! It is meant to keep people in touch, not to check their every move. Note to self, if you recognize the things I have mention as your everyday online activity….you may have an issue. If you find yourself looking through their pictures and studying their friends and any one else of the opposite sex to try and figure out if there something’s going on between them…you have an issue. And last but not least, Facebook is addictive and puts up a cyber wall between people. Although I really enjoy having my account and showing off my fabulous life to all my “friends” to see and be seen, you still need to put forth the effort to be more involved in your relationships. So ladies in gentlemen in this world of internet dating, social networking and none physical contact relationships, I encourage you to be more involved with your social life. Instead of an email or text, send them a card, and yes I mean via snail mail. Get together for dinner and drinks…be more accessible because lets just be honest a wall post/poke-which I don’t get/message on Facebook could be a tiny bit flattering from a “potential” but we are humans and are meant to connect and have relationships IN PERSON….not through the use of electronics. So Facebook block or not, get out from behind your laptop and prove your profile!!

Ballroom Dancing - The Non-Penetration Love Affair

2009-08-12T08:22:00.001-07:00

Let me begin this blog by dedicating it to my very best, non-lesbian lova, best boyfriend I've ever had, the Thelma to my Louise, the ying to my yang, the left side of my brain, BFF for 16 yrs! She is a brave, kick ass female who always challenges herself with new adventures and is willing to take risks in life and love! I admire her intelligence, sense of humor, class, adventurous attitude, discipline and most of all, the woman she is today!

Ballroom Dancing just so happen to be one of the adventures on my newly crafted Bucket List. Although I have zero experience with ballroom dancing, I will still expect myself to be just as seasoned as the pros. I can already envision myself in a head to toe sequined number with stage makeup and ready to compete on "Dancing with the Stars" by the end of the year! What can I say, I’m hopeful!

My best friend, who procrastinates a lot less than I do, beat me to signing up for a series of classes and invited me to join her for a lesson. I was just going to observe and then stick around afterwards for what Arthur Murray deems a "social" if you will. When we arrived, her Ukrainian instructor came over to introduce himself and might I add, with more enthusiasm than most American men can conger up on Super Bowl Sunday! He said, (read with a Borat accent) "Heelllllooo, I am Gregory and I am sooo excited that you are here, will you stay for the social?" Of course I had planned to stay but all of a sudden, I got really nervous, I started to blush, now palms getting sweaty.… what the heck, I am usually not intimidated by men! I wasn't sure why, I have danced a lot throughout my life but usually by myself and most of the time after a few cocktails! Either way, I think it was his accent, his innocence, his "foreignness" (did I just make up that word) just a Je n'ais sais Quois. The weird thing is, he was not even good looking according to my standards. In fact, he could have been a direct descendant of Mr. Bean! All of the instructors were just as foreign as he was with their ridiculously perfect posture, high tight asses (better than NFL) and thick accents that matched their overgrown thick eyebrows. They owned more passion in their pinkie finger than any man I've come to know in my wildly adventurous 27 years. For some reason, he made me feel so desirable and feminine with only a short introduction where he took my hand as if it were made of porcelain and kissed it like it was such an honor to meet me. So of course, I begin to giggle like a young school girl throughout my friend's entire lesson.

At the same time, there were other private lessons taking place and as I looked around, I notice a particular couple that was gliding across the dance floor like melted butter on a hot pan. Their synchronized moves as they stared deep into their eyes would have clearly made any stranger believe they had been doing the vertical sex tango for years in order to achieve that degree of chemistry. I calculated it to be more like around a month's worth of lessons, the ladies husband had forked out some dough for in order to get her out of the house and out of his hair! The instructor bossed her around on the dance floor with such a polite aggression, with his hand firmly in the middle of her back. It was like he had built a frame around her for everyone to see the piece of art that a woman truly is, as she floated across the floor. A man, big surprise, once said "Dancing is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire" and how very true. Perhaps, dancing had become the outlet for passion that had been shoved so far back in the libido closet of this woman’s life! All the way in the back, behind her favorite dresses, raincoat and heels hid a sexy, backless, sequined number that had been buried….waiting to be dug out! How conceivable that her husband didn’t even take the time to look in her “closet” and certainly not spend enough time to uncover. These instructors were not just dance teachers. They were the captains of the sexy ship that sailed through the turbulent seas of passion and glorified a woman's sexuality without having to pillage them like pirates and steal their booty! They guided the women across the dance floor like a captain guides his ship through the waters, destination unknown, but the voyage to unearth her libido and inner sexiness was just getting started!!

As I sat on the "sidelines" observing the eye contact, the invasion of personal space, the sexual tension rising up in each of them like a pot of water ready to boil over.... yes, yes, it was tantric sex on the dance floor. That's the thing that American men are lacking...PASSION! Imagine, there can be passion without penetration. There are so many other activities and ways to celebrate sexuality without just "doing it" but unfortunately that is what men have become accustomed to thanks to college fraternities, keg parties and internet porn!!

When the "social" finally got started and it was my turn to take on the dance floor, they had turned down the lights and turned on the GRRRRRR inside of me! One of the instructors came straight for me, grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor. He looked deep into my eyes and for the first time in my life, a man’s eye contact made me really uncomfortable. All he said was, "Lets Cha Cha" and I was in love! He was so smooth and complimented my moves the whole 3 minute we shared. He was soft spoken and sweet and just kept saying, "You are very good, you dance before?" It was certainly an experience and now that I am going on about a two year stint of being single, it made me look at men and sex in a totally different way and not to mention my own hidden desires. We can have passion and intimacy without penetration, yet many women just have sex with men they are interested in thinking that it will lead to commitment and a passionate love affair. I had to stop and question what is it that has been buried deep in my libido closet that I haven’t even as much allowed a man to turn on the light to look around for!

I was so thankful that my friend had decided to start dancing again and more so that she invited me to join her. I have danced on and off my entire life performing on dance teams and simply for enjoyment but realized how much I missed it and wanted to jump back in head first. I read a quote once that said "Life beats a rhythm in every one's heart that beckons each one of us to dance, mine is now beating the Argentine Tango.....Grrrrrrr!! Try something new, set what you may think to be an unrealistic goal, push yourself out of your comfort zone and never be scared of intimacy. Dig a little deeper and drag out what has been buried deep in your libido closet, and might I add, don’t wait for a man to do it because moths will destroy it by the time that happens!

"Sext" Messaging - The Safest Sex Out There!

2009-08-01T07:42:00.000-07:00

Let me begin by dedicating this to my muse ...Ms. West, we can call her!

What prompted me to write this blog, believe it or not, was a segment on the Today show with Al Roker. Now before you get disgusted, it in no way involves Al, sex, or visuals. I am sure everyone has heard of the new phenomenon of "Sext Messaging" and how its now the cool thing for "tweenys" to participate in. All these well educated psychologist sat around with Al and discussed the repercussions of this "sexting" and how it could negatively effect the young people and come back to haunt them in their future Ms. America days. After all the statistics and blah blah blah conversation, I thought to myself....hell this is better than the teenage pregnancy, abortions, and the spread of STD's among teenagers!

As a matter of fact, "sexting" is the safest sex there is! Ms. West was my inspiration for this because she practically maintained a long distance relationship and managed to keep it spicy with her suggestive "sexting" and a few visuals along the way. A lot has changed since my middle school days of tongue kissing behind the football bleachers, and little pocket pool and good ol' dry humping. Apparently those options just are not enough for "tweens" these days. I would much rather my teen, which I will never have, send a naughty little text message than come home one day to say that I'm going to be a grandma!

For adults, "sext" messaging can keep your relationship alive! Just a naughty little reminder during your conference call or silly hour long staff meeting of what you have awaiting you at home! Although there are consequences to all of our actions, the ones to follow "sexting" are sure to be delightful! And as far as monogomy goes, you can practically have an orgy via text message and no one has to know about eachother plus the fact that an over abundance of naked people in close quarters is a little disgusting. So I want to challenge all of you who are allowing your relationship to tarnish a little and get a little ho hum to kick it up a notch and let your thumbs to do the talking! And if that certain someone just isn't doing it for you, start "sexting" someone else! Cheers!

Un-User Friendly

2009-07-15T18:36:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it is I, that is not so "user friendly".....

When I started writing these blogs, I actually started on a different site that was not exactly "user friendly" or Jennie friendly! I wouldn't consider myself to be technologically challenged but if its further than a click away, I probably won't figure it out. So, like always...my thoughts drifted to somewhere else and I asked myself.....self, am I 'user friendly"?!?

Everything we have now is portable, convenient, fast and most important of all user friendly! If we have to think to hard about how to send a mass text or update a Facebook status then its just not easy enough. I am really starting to think the same goes for dating as well. So, I may be a little complicated, hard to read, stubborn, guarded and independent. And for some guys....who's names will remain anonymous (for now) they throw in the white flag when you don't just give it all up the first few dates, and I don't mean sex, I mean all of you, your heart!! They don't want to take the time to find out what it is that makes you special or have to work for it. In fact, underneath this hard exterior is a compassionate, generous, tender hearted woman who is a hopeless romantic and full of dreams. But not everyone gets that Jennie....you have to earn it, and why not! I'm not a scratch off lotto ticket, where you win the prize after a few tries!

Men and women both, would rather date those that are "user friendly" who they know will always ditch their plans for them, go along with whatever they want, and compromise their values and morals just to make it easy to have them! I've always believed that anything worth having is worth working for! Who wants a "fast food relationship" that's just easy and convenient, that you can cram into a few minutes of your day. If I am going to share my life with someone, then I will take the time to learn what buttons not to push and which ones turn you on and off.....grrrr!

Perhaps I do not fit the profile for a "User Friendly" girlfriend and I may require you to read the directions before you try to make me work for you, but when its all said and done, all the pieces will fit together and you wont have to worry about it falling apart!

Ride Em Cowboy!

2009-07-15T16:06:00.001-07:00

"I'm tired of breaking in these men for you to ride them home in the sunset"

Not that this came as a surprise, because nothing surprises me anymore, but yet another man/boy that was a commitment phob while I dated him, all of a sudden has a serious relationship now?!? I guess I could chalk it up to "He's just not that into you"...... but seriously why do men insist on staying around, texting, calling....etc. to keep you on the line as back up. Just let it go...if you don't have what I need, then move on and save us both the confusion of the "back and forth game"! I refuse to be someones back up plan and for god sake, have a little integrity and don't allow someone to be that person in your life, just because you are not secure enough to be alone. And I am not just pointing the finger at men, women are just as guilty too. I know first hand, women will play the same game so that there is always someone to keep the other side of the bed warm or someone to talk to at night!

I have always been the "cool girl, guys girl, atypical woman" and have prided myself on these characteristics but maybe this is whats putting me in this monotoneous cycle. Guys almost seemed relieved when they meet me and find out I am not the "typical woman" and say, yea your cool. I very much enjoy my space, like being independent, and don't get worked up over silly things. This is mostly dedicated to the fact that I dated and lived with a complete sociopath who wiped me clean emotionally, mentally, physically and not to mention financially! For those of you who do not know the definition of a sociopath, a few of the characteristics are:

-Manipulative and Conning- appear to be charming but are hostile and domineering

-Grandiose Sense of Self - arrogant and feels entitled to things

-Lake of Remorse - no shame or guilt for treating people like crap

-Secretive- aka cheats on you

-Irresponsibility - no concern with wrecking peoples lives and places blame on others

So I digress........but this would explain why I am the way I am now and refuse to go back down the path of "your so charming, no one will ever know you cut me up into little peices and buried me in the backyard." Back to the topic at hand, I know I am not the only woman out there that feels like she has done all the work to get a man to "marriage material" just to have him end up with someone else. I have been the stylist...(Mr. Lee tappered jeans), psychiatrist, private chef, life consultant, and best of all WRANGLER....to lasso these boys in and turn them into men! And yes I am taking the credit for the progress that some of the boys have made, but at least they learned a lesson!

Fact of the matter is.... instead of trying to turn these boys into men and make them ready for something they are not, just let them be! If I got paid for all the consulting I did over the years, I would be a millionaire but instead I am a boy wrangler and a man producer! Congrats to all the ladies that have benefited from my hard work and knowledge and maybe one day I will reap the rewards of your work...that is if you did any!!

Self Seduction

2009-07-08T16:26:00.000-07:00

Self Seduction....are you seducing yourself?

As I reflect on how I spent my Saturday night which may have looked like a suicidal attempt or a scene from a Danielle Steel novel. I over analyzed and questioned my self worth. How I value myself, others around me and the men who are coming and going like the latest diet craze or fashion trends.
As I filled up the bath tub, which I rarely do because I am obviously too busy to relax (or so I think)...I ran around the house gathering all the necessities...candles check, lighter check, music check, wine check, bubbles...yep! You would have thought I was well on my way to seducing my latest catch and setting myself up for what could have been the ultimate "Honey I'm home scene from a cheesy porn", when in fact, there were no visitors, just myself and my obvious audience, the three pups that will not leave my side for a minute. I drank too many glasses of wine, almost caught my hair on fire, wrinkled up like a prune, listened to sad songs...that yes, as Billy Ocean said best "will make you cry....love songs often do", and for no one else....just ME! Although I intoxicated myself and cried to a Keisha Cole song and spent my entire Saturday night in the bath tub...I did it for me. I never stop and take time for me anymore, to do the simple things that make me happy or just simply get away from my blackberry and texting long enough to .....breathe! Why would I expect someone else to do that for me in return if I won't do it for myself?
For those of you who know me, you are aware that I am a serial dater....none really get to stay around long enough to make an impression without me finding something wrong with them or declaring myself to be a Madonna and Oprah...just not the marrying type! I keep expecting for a man to come along and sweep me off of my feet when in fact, I have no idea what it would take for that to happen, so how would I recognize it if it did? Which leads me to my point of "Self Seduction". Ladies, if we are not taking the time to love every inch of our bodies...even the boob that's a little smaller than than the other, your eyebrows that are not perfectly arched, your lips that are not quite Angelina pouty, your butt that looks more like a sad face than the ever seducing apple bottom, and that little pooch that never goes away no matter how many crunches and hip hop ab videos you do......than why would a man be willing to see past all of that to get to what really matters...your heart!
Self seduction is simply loving yourself and taking care of YOU! Whatever it may be that you enjoy doing, take time to do it. Whoever it may be that makes you laugh, talk to them. Whoever it may be that needs a laugh, make them smile! In the whole grand scheme of things, what really matters is loving you for you, holding out that helping hand, and trying to be a better person, not what the bitch in the cube next to you thinks, or the ex boyfriend, or that skinny bitch with perfect Farrah Fawcett hair (may she rest in peace).....its YOU! I challenge everyone to like you a little more each day and do something for yourself!

Life is to Short to Get Ulcers!!

2009-07-08T12:01:00.000-07:00

Life IS too short to get ulcers, indigestion, compulsive diarrhea (yes I said diarrhea) or any other stress related illness and you may be surprised by how many are caused by stress!

Over the past few months I have literally driven myself crazy....traveling up and down the east coast looking for that good ole 9-5 job that we all strive for as an adult. I've gone from Charlotte, NC all the way up to New York seeking out a "sales" position for whoever selling whatever! After being laid off in January from a job that stressed me out and not to mention, brought out my inner Class A Biaaatch, I saw it as a blessing in disguise. I liked the people I worked with but hated my actual job....ugghh the thought I cold calling for hours, which I never did but was suppose to. Sitting in my teeny office with no door or cubicle and begging and I mean begging business owners just to set up a meeting with me....at the end of the day, IT SUCKED!

So why in the world was I seeking out the same thing once again? I had an ongoing theme song playing in my head by U2 - "But I still havn't found what I'm looking for", which could go for men too but that's a whole other blog!

It hit me while I was in yet another interview. I had to take a "personality test" on the Internet....and we all know personality isn't determined by a stupid agree or disagree Q&A session! Not to "toot my own horn" but I have been complimented on my outgoing personality and witty sense of humor more than once in my life! The results....yep, I FAILED! I never really was a good test taker but come on!! At first I was surprised, then pissed, then upset, which is my typical Jennie reaction steps for most situations. After sucking up my "whats wrong with me tears" I had it...an epiphany! You can't fit a square peg in a round hole, I was never meant to work in corporate America, I'm far too creative, honest and opinionated....the test said so! I've been trying soooo hard to do something that I never even wanted, no wonder!

When I think about a career and "making a living" I try to revert back to when I was a little girl and the things that I loved then. I had my own business when I was 5 for crying out loud. I set up my own lemonade stand at the end of the drive-way and who knows how much money I made or didn't make that summer but I sure did love it! The Thomasville Times even came out and documented my success! I sold custom friendship bracelets, puffy painted tees, t-shirt ties, you name it, I made and put a price tag on it....ask my family! Either way, I digress, moral of the story is...I never wanted to grow up and have my own little cubicle with no door or window, drive to the same hole day in and day out, work for an egotistical a-hole that makes 10x's as much money as I'll ever see, do paperwork, or anything else that could suck the life out of you...all for what! So you can have your entire life planned out for you by corporate America and the government, in case you didn't notice they are not the best decision makers around. I may not have dolla dolla bills, a 401K (which the government is going to steal) a plan for retirement but what I do have is..... Joy, Peace, Happiness and an journey where I am the captain of this ship! Viva su vida.....thats "Live your Life" in Spanish. Did I mention I take Spanish :)

Chapter 11 - Emotional Bankruptcy

2009-07-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

Filing Chapter 11 – Emotional Bankruptcy

At some point in every woman’s life, you find yourself in a relationship where you feel like, he is the “ONE”! That is, until the real skeletons come out of the closet, the other women, the past due debt and criminal records emerge. If you haven’tbeen there yet, and you are over the age of 24, out of college and still dating, then believe me…YOU WILL! When you file Chapter 11 Bankrupt…you literally give up, want to wipe the slate clean and start over with no reminders of your past bad decisions. So why not file Chapter 11 Emotional Bankruptcy? Its practically the same thing. You come to the point where you can not move past these skeletons and other issues so the best thing to do is to just quit cold turkey! And I mean it…quit these men cold turkey that are sucking you dry....emotionally, mentally, physically. Why pay a sky high interest rate on a man that would not even go buy you tampons at the store?!?

There comes a point in every woman’s life where she should file Chapter 11 Emotional Bankruptcy in order to put the past behind you and begin and fresh start after being in a grueling relationship. Leave that old baggage behind and grab yourself and LV suitcase and pack it up for your future adventures, minus all the emotional scars. That not only means changing your “man selection” habits but also those bad habits that you may have like… having one too many martinis and thinking the bartender is a prince, or thinking that you can change a man and make him into what you need because faaahhhgettaboutit….you won’t and you can’t!

Most of all, make sure to pack a good friend to listen, an optimistic attitude, faith, and belief that you deserve to be treated like a woman. Pretty is as pretty does, like my mom always told me, so ladies make sure you act like ladies and treat others you want to be treated!

Dating Resumes

2009-07-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

Dating Resumes- Help Wanted!!

Those of you who know me well, know that the past few years of my life have been everything but ordinary and along with the ups and downs came many jobs and locations. While I was sending out one resume after the next I started asking myself….”Self, if these companies are going to go through all this searching, background checks, references, cavity searches..(J/K)…to just hire me to answer a damn phone, then why don’t women go to these measures to find a soulmate, lover, boyfriend…and dare I say it a husband?

Most of us will just take a reference from our drunk girlfriends at the bar that know his friend, that dated his cousin, that was in his fraternity, that was at the college in the same state, that your mom grew up in!! Talk about a creditable person, who are we kidding? Ladies…half the men that we have “hooked-up, made-out, dipped it low, bumped and grinded” whatever it may be…you didnt know him any better than the guy that checked your coat at the door!! So why would you give him every which way to contact you….your myspace/facebook (with way too much info, might I add)…work email…home address…mothers maiden name..social security…I mean we really must take this dating game to a different level.

Let’s start with the application process! Every job, no matter what it is, you have to fill out an application even if it is flippin burgers at McD’s or running for office, you had to give basic info about yourself. Now, you dont have to necessarily have a man fill out a literal application…make him interview with you before you even give him your number!! Name, address, previous job, current job, marital status (muy importante)… and CRIMINAL BACKGROUND!!!! Ladies now that is a big one…I know all of us have made some stupid decisions whether it was just stealing a road cone and getting caught for it or a DUI…but this is a must. This guy may look like JFK Jr. but may have very well strangled his last girlfriend, cut her up in little pieces and scattered her in the Atlantic! If he doesn't want to tell you, then he prob has something to hide…BELIEVE ME!!

Once you get the info, check his references…and not just his drunk frat brother at the bar that thinks your hot and wants his boy to get laid. Unfortunatly this is a necessary evil in todays society. Wise up ladies.. play the game before you get played! Once your candidate passes the application process, background check, reference check, then allow him to take you on a date and if he flakes out before this point……you would have fired him anyway! Run your dating life like a successful business, only the strongest survive and you weed out the losers!

Starbucks and Men!

2009-07-08T10:59:00.000-07:00

Starbucks and Men – makes sense!

So let me start by saying that I dont typically buy $5 coffee at Starbucks but since I won a gift card there, I used it…of course. As I pulled up to place my order I’m looking at the menu and I’m already overwelmed (Raleigh Starbucks have drive-throughs, but you will wait 17 minutes to get your coffee). I try to order a latte….”would you like caramel latte, a mocha latte…an I’m confusing you already latte?” Yes please, I answer.. put some caramel in it….”would you like sugar free”…I reply sure…”is that a grande, vente, super -size me, shorty,”….whatever…grande is fine! “Would you like that hot or cold”…..geez…hot…fine..” I just want some damn coffee..all the questions are really starting to stress me out. So after nearly a ten minute question and answer session about whether I wanted a “half skim, sugar free, caramel, mocha lotta choco latte” I had no clue what the hell I was actually going to get. So that naturally sparked a thought about men….or un-naturally!

I started to think about men in the same way. Women think they have this particular “type” of guy that they want to marry. Mine just so happens to be a tall, dark, handsome, successful, possible stockbroker because I am financially illiterate, wears suits and ties to work, cooks and cleans, makes me laugh, mind being domestic….worships the ground I walk on and laughs at my jokes, kind of guy…..and I digress….but either way its a lot like ordering a coffee at Starbucks. You want all this extra topping added and somehow you go from a black coffee to a grande, sugar free, skim, half foam…blah blah but we bypass the reason you showed up there in the first place…to get a hot cup of coffee to warm you up or wake you up one. I know we all get too caught up in the what we think we need from a man that we forget about how we just want them to make us feel…warm inside and awake to life!

So, the next time you start building your perfect man in your mind…stop and remind yourself of what truely matters.