Patrick Swayze - My American Man Idol

Patrick Swayze – The sexiest man to ever jump of a stage, to get baby out of the corner, and to confirm that yes, men can be masculine, passionate and sensitive all wrapped up into a Swayze…that is the man, the myth, the legend.

Patrick Swayze may best be known for his role as Johnny Castle in the 1987 box office hit Dirty Dancing. The magnetic chemistry between him and co-star Jennifer Grey as Baby, portrayed this raw attraction, fire and passion that every woman has longed for since their experience with the movie. He was born to a rodeo champion and a ballet dancer…what a perfect combination! The grace of a dancer and the rugged masculinity of a man that can tame a bull, that’s who Patrick Swayze was. Although Ghost was a hit movie as well and he succeeded as being the first person in history to make pottery sexy, Dirty Dancing in my heart, still stands as the best movie of all time and invites me to fall in love with Johnny Castle, every time.

Swayze as Johnny Castle was my first man crush, the first time I understood what passion was, the first man ass I ever saw, and still my favorite. His bad boy sex appeal and fearless attitude made me wants to pack my bags and go off to summer camp for the rare chance of meeting my Johnny. And yes, I actually did that after high school and ended up bunking in a room full of girls, sharing a community bathroom and having a curfew and did I forget to mention that it was a Baptist camp so no dirty dancing allowed, which equaled no Johnny.

Ohh that black t-shirt, the cocked eyebrow, the nod of his head and that sexy grin, it gives a girl chills, ohhh why do we like the bad boy? Johnny Castle has been an inspiration throughout my entire life. I definitely mimicked his jumping off the stage at the Freaky Tiki club in Myrtle Beach during a Booty shake contest, in which I won, thank you! He also inspired my final exam presentation in my sign language class in college where I did a tribute to Dirty Dancing and signed “She’s like the wind” (written by Swayze inspired by his wife) seriously, and it was fabulous, I got an A! Even my older sister learned how to play the clarinet via the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. It holds a place in history and in every girl’s heart that has watched the movie and fantasized about meeting their Johnny, falling in love and jumping off that stage into his arms for the lift…oh yea and you know you made every boyfriend recreate that scene!

Just thinking of his sweaty body moving to the beat of the music could make any ovulating woman swoon. Remember when Johnny said “It’s not on the one; it’s not the mambo…. It’s a feeling, a heartbeat…(thud, thud thud, thud, thud thud)….yeeeuusss that’s what’s missing, allowing your heart to be heard. Hungry eyes, that passion, that lust to crawl across the floor singing “Baby, awww baby, my sweet baby, you’re the one!” Thank you Patrick Swayze for embodying what a real man is suppose to be. A man should be a masculine, smooth talking cowboy on the outside with the grace of a ballet dancer on the inside. Then add the passion of a lion running through the desert of the Serengeti to catch the gazelle and tear it to shreds to feast upon and now we’re talking!! He had that swagger and confidence when no words are needed. Ahh, that’s what I want, a man to take my face in his hands, kiss me on the forehead and sends chills to the top of my head, turning me into a limp noodle. All Johnny has to do is nod his head, grin and with his hungry eyes say “Come over her woman so I can pillage you and make sweet cowboy love to you” and I’m sold. I’m sorry men, especially the ones in my past but thanks to Johnny Castle, I’ve always had unrealistic expectations of what love is and what its suppose to be like to be swept off your feet, literally.

I feel like Baby when she says to Johnny: "Me? I’m scared of everything, I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way that I feel when I’m with you” ahhhhhhh my heart still races when I read this quote…..yes Baby, that’s love!!

Although sometimes I sing to my self “I want to know what love is…I want you to show me” (that would be the Foreigner version not Mariah Carey) I sometimes wonder, is there another, will there ever be…. another Johnny Castle aka Patrick Swayze. He is a legend, a man of heart and soul who never gave up…not even when he was given a death sentence after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He worked and fought courageously to the very end, RIP Patrick Swayze (*tear). Because of his art…”I’ve had the time of my life…..No I never felt this way before” that gives me enough hope to hold out for my Johnny.

It has to be the ending scene that did it for me when Johnny took Baby up on that stage and told all those people, “I'm gonna do my kind of dancin' with a great partner, who's not only a terrific dancer; somebody who's taught me that there are people willing to stand up for other people no matter what it costs them; somebody who's taught me about the kind of person I wanna be.” Well dammit, I am too. I’m going do my kind of dancin’, I’m going to need a great partner, somebody that will stand beside of me and not in front of me, someone who can push me to be a better me, someone that can romance me with his eyes, his hungry eyes, hungry for Jennie, grrrr. Someone who can look at me and say….

“Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth
and I owe it all to you
'Cause I've had the time of my life
and I owe it all to you”

“I've been waiting for so long
Now I've finally found someone
To stand by me”…me too yes!
"Now with passion in our eyes
There's no way we could disguise it secretly
So we take each other's hand
'Cause we seem to understand the urgency"

"Just remember
You're the one thing
I can't get enough of
So I'll tell you something"

“This could be love because”……ahhh the pause, the longing, the gazing into each other’s eyes…the ohhh I want to make out with you face moment, I love it!!

Then we sing together gloriously at the top of our lungs at the first dance of our wedding…yes I said it! I don’t even have a boyfriend, let alone a fiance or a wedding planned but I do have one thing planned and that my friends, is the display of my inner soul in the form of dance…...and in unison we sing:

”I've had the time of my life
No I never felt this way before
Yes I swear it's the truth
And I owe it all to you
'Cause I've had the time of my life
And I've searched through every open door
'Til I found the truth"….. I’ve searched through too many open doors and unfortunately found a lot of things and it wasn’t the truth.

And I owe it all to you”……then he kisses her hand and turns around and jumps off that stage with his shirt torn open exposes his pecs in all their glory and yes, yeeeessssss, that’s it! Where is the man that’s going to jump off a stage for me and “just let it go and don’t be afraid to lose control”!! All I can say is, Patrick Swayze...what a man!

The Gift of Giving

The Gift of Giving: National MS Bike Race 2009

Yesterday, I participated in my first charity Bike Race for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. When I signed up for the 23 mile race through two counties, I knew that it was going to be a challenge and that I would be sore and probably feel the need to quit before I crossed the finish line but I never once thought of the emotional and mental gifts I would receive upon completion. When my best friend convinced me to sign up for this event, I laughed at the thought of us wearing head to toe spandex, and a bike helmet. Come to find out, we did manage to still look cute in those get-ups. When we showed up to check in for the race, it was only 60 degrees raining and windy, that I did not sign up for! I looked around me at the crowds forming. These were the people I was riding for, people living with MS. I had never met any of them but the moment I saw their smiling faces cheering for me, I could hear a little voice inside of them saying, thank you.
As we lined up at the starting point, I looked around to size up the other riders. Some looked like serious bike riders and some pretty out of shape. I told myself, you got this!! I have been working out a lot, eating healthy, taking my vitamins and probably the healthiest I have ever been in my life. God didn’t give me these she-man thighs just for looks, I was to use them for good, to punish them and max out their ability. The moment we took off I was so proud to be a part of such a wonderful event I was giggly, then we rounded the corner to see the first hill. I kicked it in high gear and peddled really hard, really fast and made it...and unfortunately was already panting. I thought, wow my training didn't include hills like this, I wasn't expecting to have to climb hills this steep, this is going to be harder than I thought. By the time I had made it around the 9 mile mark, my thighs were about to explode, I was panting so hard my chest hurt and I had to get off my bike a few times and push it up some of the hills. I almost cried a few times out of disapointment in myself, the pain, and the thought that I may have to quit. The super riders had already smoked me by this point, then mile by mile, the “out of shape riders”, kids and grandpas were passing me by with “on your left”!
When I signed up, my friends and family laughed it off, literally and I understood because I talk a lot and come up with lots of ideas and sometimes do not follow through, which I am sure they assumed for this one as well. Not only did I want to prove to myself that I am not a quitter and that I can do anything with courage and determination, I wanted to prove it to everyone else that waiting at the finish line. These people have been fighting an uphill battle with this disease, some for months and some for many years and would not even have the chance to participate because they are not physically able to, and I had the nerve to think about quitting? As I rounded a corner, out of breath and desperately seeking a rest area, I saw a man in front of me that had also gotten off his bike and started pushing it, so I didn’t feel so bad since I had to as well. I caught up with him and as we pushed our bikes together he told me about his wife, that was why he was riding, she had been living with MS for ten years. We both laughed when we discussed how much training we had done in preparation, neither one of us did too much. He told me that he promised his wife that he would finish that race, whether he rode that bike, pushed, pulled it or drug it across that finish line, it didn’t matter, what mattered was the journey we were on. I had no choice after that, but to suck up the pain and to get back on that bike. That was all I need to inspire me to keep going.
At the halfway rest stop my best friend, who had left me in the dust, came running to the road cheering me on along with other volunteers and riders. We got some water, some sugar and stretched a little and got right back in the saddle. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the last 10 miles were fairly easy and that God had answered my prayers with quickness. The first 13 miles I prayed for it to get easier, to just let me cruise down some hills. Tricia and I rode side by side singing Destiny Child’s “I’m a Survivor, I’m not going to give up” and enjoyed the rest of the journey and even a few laughs! I felt refreshed and ready to fight this battle of pushing myself past my comfort zone, enduring physical pain and overcoming a mentality that giving up was an option. Society today allows us too many chances to quit, we make it ok, and it’s not! We have to push ourselves to climb the hills in life, to overcome the obstacles that will always exist and to believe in yourself, that you can and will cross that finish no matter how hard the climb. Do it for you, do it for others. I was able to face a mental and emotional battle that was inside of me, that I was scared to face until yesterday. Pushing my body through the pain, up the hills, in the rain, alone, gave me time to reflect on my life and that there is no one, nothing to fear but fear itself!!
As we approached the finish line, our friends who had already finished, MS survivors and volunteers stood at that line cheering for us, I realized that this was the first time in almost 10 years that I had crossed a finish line. I was overwhelmed with joy, satisfaction for completing the race, and most of all I had overcome myself. I did not have a physical handicap that slowed me down, I had a mental handicap called doubt. Months of rejection in the “real world” searching for a career and hurt and guilt that I had carried with me from the past had poisoned my mind and my heart. I had let it get the best of me until I got to the point of not wanting to try anymore. If I didn’t put myself out there, I couldn’t get rejected, which equaled no more hurt…right? Although I appeared confident on the outside, on the inside there was something, someone convincing me that I did not deserve to be successful in life or love, and that someone was me. This bike ride was therapy, although a little painful at times, pushed me to rid myself of doubt. It gave me the courage to try, the courage to fight harder and the courage to believe in myself and that I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me and we did. I finally made a break-through in my life and it wasn’t by focusing on myself, it happened because I was self-less and participated in this ride for people suffering from MS. Sometimes healing can come when we least expect it. When we forget about our own motivations and intentions and simply become a servant of God and for others. I crossed the finish line, I completed the race physically and now I have completed the race mentally that has kept me running from feelings and attitudes I needed to face.
Sow generosity and kindness, reap the good life and love. Challenge yourself to climb those hills and to cross that finish line in life, no matter what it may be, physically or mentally.

The Facebook Block

The Facebook Block
"To stalk or not to stalk, that is the question"

If you haven’t heard of Facebook yet, then you must be living under a rock, or socially network challenged. Along with the advantages of Facebook i.e. keeping up with long distance friends, reconnecting with old ones and stalking new ones, also comes jealously, insecurity and might I mention again, stalking…which in the state of North Carolina is defined by the General Assembly as: a pattern of following, observing, or monitoring a person, which can very much describe your own Facebook behavior. My favorite so far of the Facebook shananagins would have to be what I call the “Facebook block”. It has to be the ultimate…”Oh no he didn’t” move in cyber history…well besides stealing someone’s identity. Until recently I thought I had been the only one of my friends to get cyber dissed by a jealous ex that had to read into ever status update and message written on my wall. My little bit of advice to anyone who feels the need to snoop or cyber stalk a significant other is…if you are going cross that line and go looking for something, you better be prepared for what you may find! And most of the time, you are going to over react and assume that every status update has to do with you or that random girl in one of his pictures is a tramp that’s trying to steal your “potential man”.

The first time I got the good ol…”in ya face…Facebook block” it was right after this guy and I had decided to part ways and end our “romantic” relationship. A few days later I spent some time with friends, playing board games and goofing off. They taught me this new charades game called “Bernardo” which was an absolute riot which I promote heavily to anyone who has a sense of humor. Just a little bit about myself, I tend to cover up my true feelings with humor and use it as a defense mechanism to keep the male species wondering so that I never feel vulnerable…which is a whole other blog in itself. Anyhoo, although I was little bummed about the recent events…I choose to see the bright side of things so the next day I updated my status to “I would like to thank my friends for introducing me to my new friend Bernardo last night, we had too much fun.” Definitely an inside joke, only the people I was hanging out with would have known what I was talking about. Which also brings me to another Facebook etiquette rule: Thou shalt not make comments on someones page about a update if you have no clue what they are talking about, clearly its not meant for everyone to understand or they would have included a definition. Moving right along…not 30 min after updating my Facebook I received a text message from “the boy” stating “I wish you a Bernardo the best, hope you have a good life together”!!!!! What the heck, really? I had to laugh out loud because he really made himself look like a jealous fool. Granted, he may have a still been a little sore about the decision to part ways but that reaction only solidified my decision that we were not meant to be together and if he tend to read into my sarcasm with jealously….NEXT!

Another victim of the “oh no he didn’t…Facebook block” was one of my girlfriends, we will call her Miss West for privacy. We had just gotten back home from Vegas a few days before, where not everything stays BTW!! A few pictures were posted, some great, some incriminating and some completely innocent. But within hours, she got the “block” from her ex. I am sure it’s all because she looked too hot, had too much fun and met some sexy men along the way, all with absolutely nothing to do with him. Bless his heart, I suppose he thought she would be miserable without him in Las Vegas and would receive no attention from any man….well SURPRISE, life does go on! Like I said before, if you can’t handle it, then don’t look for it!

Allow me to re-iterate about Facebook etiquette, it does exist, maybe not to all members, but for myself…I make up my own rules. As I mentioned earlier about the no comment when you have no clue rule, here is another one. Thou shall not try and date me via Facebook. If you do not have the cojones to ask for my phone number (bc I think it’s crazy if you publish it along with your address) or pick up the phone and call me, then you won’t have the cojones to keep up with me. I know men and women both are super confident when they are typing away about how great they are behind their laptops but if you have not updated your picture in a year and are not nearly as cool and you convince yourself you are, then chances are, your cyber relationship will fizzle as soon as its gets some fresh air.

I find the Facebook block to be humorous and sad at the same time. You can bet though, if a person is going to over react because of your status updates, imagine what it would be like trying to make plans with your girlfriends for a ladies night or for guy’s night. That kind of person will be elbow deep in your night stand, cell phone, email accounts, trying to find something incriminating in your information and or pictures and will convince themselves that you are doing something wrong. You can’t control what people think about you and how they perceive you via your Facebook, but you can control what you put out there and who you consider a “friend.”

This goes for men and women, if you choose to Facebook stalk someone you are interested in or a current boyfriend or girlfriend, do not and I repeat do not assume that their status updates, relationship status, wall comments and picture captions have anything to do with you! It’s Facebook for crying out loud, an online social network, not a meet and greet and hopefully land the person of your dreams! It is meant to keep people in touch, not to check their every move. Note to self, if you recognize the things I have mention as your everyday online activity….you may have an issue. If you find yourself looking through their pictures and studying their friends and any one else of the opposite sex to try and figure out if there something’s going on between them…you have an issue. And last but not least, Facebook is addictive and puts up a cyber wall between people. Although I really enjoy having my account and showing off my fabulous life to all my “friends” to see and be seen, you still need to put forth the effort to be more involved in your relationships. So ladies in gentlemen in this world of internet dating, social networking and none physical contact relationships, I encourage you to be more involved with your social life. Instead of an email or text, send them a card, and yes I mean via snail mail. Get together for dinner and drinks…be more accessible because lets just be honest a wall post/poke-which I don’t get/message on Facebook could be a tiny bit flattering from a “potential” but we are humans and are meant to connect and have relationships IN PERSON….not through the use of electronics. So Facebook block or not, get out from behind your laptop and prove your profile!!