The Gift of Giving

The Gift of Giving: National MS Bike Race 2009

Yesterday, I participated in my first charity Bike Race for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. When I signed up for the 23 mile race through two counties, I knew that it was going to be a challenge and that I would be sore and probably feel the need to quit before I crossed the finish line but I never once thought of the emotional and mental gifts I would receive upon completion. When my best friend convinced me to sign up for this event, I laughed at the thought of us wearing head to toe spandex, and a bike helmet. Come to find out, we did manage to still look cute in those get-ups. When we showed up to check in for the race, it was only 60 degrees raining and windy, that I did not sign up for! I looked around me at the crowds forming. These were the people I was riding for, people living with MS. I had never met any of them but the moment I saw their smiling faces cheering for me, I could hear a little voice inside of them saying, thank you.
As we lined up at the starting point, I looked around to size up the other riders. Some looked like serious bike riders and some pretty out of shape. I told myself, you got this!! I have been working out a lot, eating healthy, taking my vitamins and probably the healthiest I have ever been in my life. God didn’t give me these she-man thighs just for looks, I was to use them for good, to punish them and max out their ability. The moment we took off I was so proud to be a part of such a wonderful event I was giggly, then we rounded the corner to see the first hill. I kicked it in high gear and peddled really hard, really fast and made it...and unfortunately was already panting. I thought, wow my training didn't include hills like this, I wasn't expecting to have to climb hills this steep, this is going to be harder than I thought. By the time I had made it around the 9 mile mark, my thighs were about to explode, I was panting so hard my chest hurt and I had to get off my bike a few times and push it up some of the hills. I almost cried a few times out of disapointment in myself, the pain, and the thought that I may have to quit. The super riders had already smoked me by this point, then mile by mile, the “out of shape riders”, kids and grandpas were passing me by with “on your left”!
When I signed up, my friends and family laughed it off, literally and I understood because I talk a lot and come up with lots of ideas and sometimes do not follow through, which I am sure they assumed for this one as well. Not only did I want to prove to myself that I am not a quitter and that I can do anything with courage and determination, I wanted to prove it to everyone else that waiting at the finish line. These people have been fighting an uphill battle with this disease, some for months and some for many years and would not even have the chance to participate because they are not physically able to, and I had the nerve to think about quitting? As I rounded a corner, out of breath and desperately seeking a rest area, I saw a man in front of me that had also gotten off his bike and started pushing it, so I didn’t feel so bad since I had to as well. I caught up with him and as we pushed our bikes together he told me about his wife, that was why he was riding, she had been living with MS for ten years. We both laughed when we discussed how much training we had done in preparation, neither one of us did too much. He told me that he promised his wife that he would finish that race, whether he rode that bike, pushed, pulled it or drug it across that finish line, it didn’t matter, what mattered was the journey we were on. I had no choice after that, but to suck up the pain and to get back on that bike. That was all I need to inspire me to keep going.
At the halfway rest stop my best friend, who had left me in the dust, came running to the road cheering me on along with other volunteers and riders. We got some water, some sugar and stretched a little and got right back in the saddle. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the last 10 miles were fairly easy and that God had answered my prayers with quickness. The first 13 miles I prayed for it to get easier, to just let me cruise down some hills. Tricia and I rode side by side singing Destiny Child’s “I’m a Survivor, I’m not going to give up” and enjoyed the rest of the journey and even a few laughs! I felt refreshed and ready to fight this battle of pushing myself past my comfort zone, enduring physical pain and overcoming a mentality that giving up was an option. Society today allows us too many chances to quit, we make it ok, and it’s not! We have to push ourselves to climb the hills in life, to overcome the obstacles that will always exist and to believe in yourself, that you can and will cross that finish no matter how hard the climb. Do it for you, do it for others. I was able to face a mental and emotional battle that was inside of me, that I was scared to face until yesterday. Pushing my body through the pain, up the hills, in the rain, alone, gave me time to reflect on my life and that there is no one, nothing to fear but fear itself!!
As we approached the finish line, our friends who had already finished, MS survivors and volunteers stood at that line cheering for us, I realized that this was the first time in almost 10 years that I had crossed a finish line. I was overwhelmed with joy, satisfaction for completing the race, and most of all I had overcome myself. I did not have a physical handicap that slowed me down, I had a mental handicap called doubt. Months of rejection in the “real world” searching for a career and hurt and guilt that I had carried with me from the past had poisoned my mind and my heart. I had let it get the best of me until I got to the point of not wanting to try anymore. If I didn’t put myself out there, I couldn’t get rejected, which equaled no more hurt…right? Although I appeared confident on the outside, on the inside there was something, someone convincing me that I did not deserve to be successful in life or love, and that someone was me. This bike ride was therapy, although a little painful at times, pushed me to rid myself of doubt. It gave me the courage to try, the courage to fight harder and the courage to believe in myself and that I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me and we did. I finally made a break-through in my life and it wasn’t by focusing on myself, it happened because I was self-less and participated in this ride for people suffering from MS. Sometimes healing can come when we least expect it. When we forget about our own motivations and intentions and simply become a servant of God and for others. I crossed the finish line, I completed the race physically and now I have completed the race mentally that has kept me running from feelings and attitudes I needed to face.
Sow generosity and kindness, reap the good life and love. Challenge yourself to climb those hills and to cross that finish line in life, no matter what it may be, physically or mentally.