Un-User Friendly

Perhaps it is I, that is not so "user friendly".....

When I started writing these blogs, I actually started on a different site that was not exactly "user friendly" or Jennie friendly! I wouldn't consider myself to be technologically challenged but if its further than a click away, I probably won't figure it out. So, like always...my thoughts drifted to somewhere else and I asked myself.....self, am I 'user friendly"?!?

Everything we have now is portable, convenient, fast and most important of all user friendly! If we have to think to hard about how to send a mass text or update a Facebook status then its just not easy enough. I am really starting to think the same goes for dating as well. So, I may be a little complicated, hard to read, stubborn, guarded and independent. And for some guys....who's names will remain anonymous (for now) they throw in the white flag when you don't just give it all up the first few dates, and I don't mean sex, I mean all of you, your heart!! They don't want to take the time to find out what it is that makes you special or have to work for it. In fact, underneath this hard exterior is a compassionate, generous, tender hearted woman who is a hopeless romantic and full of dreams. But not everyone gets that Jennie....you have to earn it, and why not! I'm not a scratch off lotto ticket, where you win the prize after a few tries!

Men and women both, would rather date those that are "user friendly" who they know will always ditch their plans for them, go along with whatever they want, and compromise their values and morals just to make it easy to have them! I've always believed that anything worth having is worth working for! Who wants a "fast food relationship" that's just easy and convenient, that you can cram into a few minutes of your day. If I am going to share my life with someone, then I will take the time to learn what buttons not to push and which ones turn you on and off.....grrrr!

Perhaps I do not fit the profile for a "User Friendly" girlfriend and I may require you to read the directions before you try to make me work for you, but when its all said and done, all the pieces will fit together and you wont have to worry about it falling apart!

Ride Em Cowboy!

"I'm tired of breaking in these men for you to ride them home in the sunset"

Not that this came as a surprise, because nothing surprises me anymore, but yet another man/boy that was a commitment phob while I dated him, all of a sudden has a serious relationship now?!? I guess I could chalk it up to "He's just not that into you"...... but seriously why do men insist on staying around, texting, calling....etc. to keep you on the line as back up. Just let it go...if you don't have what I need, then move on and save us both the confusion of the "back and forth game"! I refuse to be someones back up plan and for god sake, have a little integrity and don't allow someone to be that person in your life, just because you are not secure enough to be alone. And I am not just pointing the finger at men, women are just as guilty too. I know first hand, women will play the same game so that there is always someone to keep the other side of the bed warm or someone to talk to at night!

I have always been the "cool girl, guys girl, atypical woman" and have prided myself on these characteristics but maybe this is whats putting me in this monotoneous cycle. Guys almost seemed relieved when they meet me and find out I am not the "typical woman" and say, yea your cool. I very much enjoy my space, like being independent, and don't get worked up over silly things. This is mostly dedicated to the fact that I dated and lived with a complete sociopath who wiped me clean emotionally, mentally, physically and not to mention financially! For those of you who do not know the definition of a sociopath, a few of the characteristics are:

-Manipulative and Conning- appear to be charming but are hostile and domineering

-Grandiose Sense of Self - arrogant and feels entitled to things

-Lake of Remorse - no shame or guilt for treating people like crap

-Secretive- aka cheats on you

-Irresponsibility - no concern with wrecking peoples lives and places blame on others

So I digress........but this would explain why I am the way I am now and refuse to go back down the path of "your so charming, no one will ever know you cut me up into little peices and buried me in the backyard." Back to the topic at hand, I know I am not the only woman out there that feels like she has done all the work to get a man to "marriage material" just to have him end up with someone else. I have been the stylist...(Mr. Lee tappered jeans), psychiatrist, private chef, life consultant, and best of all WRANGLER....to lasso these boys in and turn them into men! And yes I am taking the credit for the progress that some of the boys have made, but at least they learned a lesson!

Fact of the matter is.... instead of trying to turn these boys into men and make them ready for something they are not, just let them be! If I got paid for all the consulting I did over the years, I would be a millionaire but instead I am a boy wrangler and a man producer! Congrats to all the ladies that have benefited from my hard work and knowledge and maybe one day I will reap the rewards of your work...that is if you did any!!

Self Seduction

Self Seduction....are you seducing yourself?

As I reflect on how I spent my Saturday night which may have looked like a suicidal attempt or a scene from a Danielle Steel novel. I over analyzed and questioned my self worth. How I value myself, others around me and the men who are coming and going like the latest diet craze or fashion trends.
As I filled up the bath tub, which I rarely do because I am obviously too busy to relax (or so I think)...I ran around the house gathering all the necessities...candles check, lighter check, music check, wine check, bubbles...yep! You would have thought I was well on my way to seducing my latest catch and setting myself up for what could have been the ultimate "Honey I'm home scene from a cheesy porn", when in fact, there were no visitors, just myself and my obvious audience, the three pups that will not leave my side for a minute. I drank too many glasses of wine, almost caught my hair on fire, wrinkled up like a prune, listened to sad songs...that yes, as Billy Ocean said best "will make you cry....love songs often do", and for no one else....just ME! Although I intoxicated myself and cried to a Keisha Cole song and spent my entire Saturday night in the bath tub...I did it for me. I never stop and take time for me anymore, to do the simple things that make me happy or just simply get away from my blackberry and texting long enough to .....breathe! Why would I expect someone else to do that for me in return if I won't do it for myself?
For those of you who know me, you are aware that I am a serial dater....none really get to stay around long enough to make an impression without me finding something wrong with them or declaring myself to be a Madonna and Oprah...just not the marrying type! I keep expecting for a man to come along and sweep me off of my feet when in fact, I have no idea what it would take for that to happen, so how would I recognize it if it did? Which leads me to my point of "Self Seduction". Ladies, if we are not taking the time to love every inch of our bodies...even the boob that's a little smaller than than the other, your eyebrows that are not perfectly arched, your lips that are not quite Angelina pouty, your butt that looks more like a sad face than the ever seducing apple bottom, and that little pooch that never goes away no matter how many crunches and hip hop ab videos you do......than why would a man be willing to see past all of that to get to what really matters...your heart!
Self seduction is simply loving yourself and taking care of YOU! Whatever it may be that you enjoy doing, take time to do it. Whoever it may be that makes you laugh, talk to them. Whoever it may be that needs a laugh, make them smile! In the whole grand scheme of things, what really matters is loving you for you, holding out that helping hand, and trying to be a better person, not what the bitch in the cube next to you thinks, or the ex boyfriend, or that skinny bitch with perfect Farrah Fawcett hair (may she rest in peace).....its YOU! I challenge everyone to like you a little more each day and do something for yourself!

Life is to Short to Get Ulcers!!

Life IS too short to get ulcers, indigestion, compulsive diarrhea (yes I said diarrhea) or any other stress related illness and you may be surprised by how many are caused by stress!

Over the past few months I have literally driven myself crazy....traveling up and down the east coast looking for that good ole 9-5 job that we all strive for as an adult. I've gone from Charlotte, NC all the way up to New York seeking out a "sales" position for whoever selling whatever! After being laid off in January from a job that stressed me out and not to mention, brought out my inner Class A Biaaatch, I saw it as a blessing in disguise. I liked the people I worked with but hated my actual job....ugghh the thought I cold calling for hours, which I never did but was suppose to. Sitting in my teeny office with no door or cubicle and begging and I mean begging business owners just to set up a meeting with me....at the end of the day, IT SUCKED!

So why in the world was I seeking out the same thing once again? I had an ongoing theme song playing in my head by U2 - "But I still havn't found what I'm looking for", which could go for men too but that's a whole other blog!

It hit me while I was in yet another interview. I had to take a "personality test" on the Internet....and we all know personality isn't determined by a stupid agree or disagree Q&A session! Not to "toot my own horn" but I have been complimented on my outgoing personality and witty sense of humor more than once in my life! The results....yep, I FAILED! I never really was a good test taker but come on!! At first I was surprised, then pissed, then upset, which is my typical Jennie reaction steps for most situations. After sucking up my "whats wrong with me tears" I had it...an epiphany! You can't fit a square peg in a round hole, I was never meant to work in corporate America, I'm far too creative, honest and opinionated....the test said so! I've been trying soooo hard to do something that I never even wanted, no wonder!

When I think about a career and "making a living" I try to revert back to when I was a little girl and the things that I loved then. I had my own business when I was 5 for crying out loud. I set up my own lemonade stand at the end of the drive-way and who knows how much money I made or didn't make that summer but I sure did love it! The Thomasville Times even came out and documented my success! I sold custom friendship bracelets, puffy painted tees, t-shirt ties, you name it, I made and put a price tag on it....ask my family! Either way, I digress, moral of the story is...I never wanted to grow up and have my own little cubicle with no door or window, drive to the same hole day in and day out, work for an egotistical a-hole that makes 10x's as much money as I'll ever see, do paperwork, or anything else that could suck the life out of you...all for what! So you can have your entire life planned out for you by corporate America and the government, in case you didn't notice they are not the best decision makers around. I may not have dolla dolla bills, a 401K (which the government is going to steal) a plan for retirement but what I do have is..... Joy, Peace, Happiness and an journey where I am the captain of this ship! Viva su vida.....thats "Live your Life" in Spanish. Did I mention I take Spanish :)

Chapter 11 - Emotional Bankruptcy

Filing Chapter 11 – Emotional Bankruptcy

At some point in every woman’s life, you find yourself in a relationship where you feel like, he is the “ONE”! That is, until the real skeletons come out of the closet, the other women, the past due debt and criminal records emerge. If you haven’tbeen there yet, and you are over the age of 24, out of college and still dating, then believe me…YOU WILL! When you file Chapter 11 Bankrupt…you literally give up, want to wipe the slate clean and start over with no reminders of your past bad decisions. So why not file Chapter 11 Emotional Bankruptcy? Its practically the same thing. You come to the point where you can not move past these skeletons and other issues so the best thing to do is to just quit cold turkey! And I mean it…quit these men cold turkey that are sucking you dry....emotionally, mentally, physically. Why pay a sky high interest rate on a man that would not even go buy you tampons at the store?!?

There comes a point in every woman’s life where she should file Chapter 11 Emotional Bankruptcy in order to put the past behind you and begin and fresh start after being in a grueling relationship. Leave that old baggage behind and grab yourself and LV suitcase and pack it up for your future adventures, minus all the emotional scars. That not only means changing your “man selection” habits but also those bad habits that you may have like… having one too many martinis and thinking the bartender is a prince, or thinking that you can change a man and make him into what you need because faaahhhgettaboutit….you won’t and you can’t!

Most of all, make sure to pack a good friend to listen, an optimistic attitude, faith, and belief that you deserve to be treated like a woman. Pretty is as pretty does, like my mom always told me, so ladies make sure you act like ladies and treat others you want to be treated!

Dating Resumes

Dating Resumes- Help Wanted!!

Those of you who know me well, know that the past few years of my life have been everything but ordinary and along with the ups and downs came many jobs and locations. While I was sending out one resume after the next I started asking myself….”Self, if these companies are going to go through all this searching, background checks, references, cavity searches..(J/K)…to just hire me to answer a damn phone, then why don’t women go to these measures to find a soulmate, lover, boyfriend…and dare I say it a husband?

Most of us will just take a reference from our drunk girlfriends at the bar that know his friend, that dated his cousin, that was in his fraternity, that was at the college in the same state, that your mom grew up in!! Talk about a creditable person, who are we kidding? Ladies…half the men that we have “hooked-up, made-out, dipped it low, bumped and grinded” whatever it may be…you didnt know him any better than the guy that checked your coat at the door!! So why would you give him every which way to contact you….your myspace/facebook (with way too much info, might I add)…work email…home address…mothers maiden name..social security…I mean we really must take this dating game to a different level.

Let’s start with the application process! Every job, no matter what it is, you have to fill out an application even if it is flippin burgers at McD’s or running for office, you had to give basic info about yourself. Now, you dont have to necessarily have a man fill out a literal application…make him interview with you before you even give him your number!! Name, address, previous job, current job, marital status (muy importante)… and CRIMINAL BACKGROUND!!!! Ladies now that is a big one…I know all of us have made some stupid decisions whether it was just stealing a road cone and getting caught for it or a DUI…but this is a must. This guy may look like JFK Jr. but may have very well strangled his last girlfriend, cut her up in little pieces and scattered her in the Atlantic! If he doesn't want to tell you, then he prob has something to hide…BELIEVE ME!!

Once you get the info, check his references…and not just his drunk frat brother at the bar that thinks your hot and wants his boy to get laid. Unfortunatly this is a necessary evil in todays society. Wise up ladies.. play the game before you get played! Once your candidate passes the application process, background check, reference check, then allow him to take you on a date and if he flakes out before this point……you would have fired him anyway! Run your dating life like a successful business, only the strongest survive and you weed out the losers!

Starbucks and Men!

Starbucks and Men – makes sense!

So let me start by saying that I dont typically buy $5 coffee at Starbucks but since I won a gift card there, I used it…of course. As I pulled up to place my order I’m looking at the menu and I’m already overwelmed (Raleigh Starbucks have drive-throughs, but you will wait 17 minutes to get your coffee). I try to order a latte….”would you like caramel latte, a mocha latte…an I’m confusing you already latte?” Yes please, I answer.. put some caramel in it….”would you like sugar free”…I reply sure…”is that a grande, vente, super -size me, shorty,”….whatever…grande is fine! “Would you like that hot or cold”…..geez…hot…fine..” I just want some damn coffee..all the questions are really starting to stress me out. So after nearly a ten minute question and answer session about whether I wanted a “half skim, sugar free, caramel, mocha lotta choco latte” I had no clue what the hell I was actually going to get. So that naturally sparked a thought about men….or un-naturally!

I started to think about men in the same way. Women think they have this particular “type” of guy that they want to marry. Mine just so happens to be a tall, dark, handsome, successful, possible stockbroker because I am financially illiterate, wears suits and ties to work, cooks and cleans, makes me laugh, mind being domestic….worships the ground I walk on and laughs at my jokes, kind of guy…..and I digress….but either way its a lot like ordering a coffee at Starbucks. You want all this extra topping added and somehow you go from a black coffee to a grande, sugar free, skim, half foam…blah blah but we bypass the reason you showed up there in the first place…to get a hot cup of coffee to warm you up or wake you up one. I know we all get too caught up in the what we think we need from a man that we forget about how we just want them to make us feel…warm inside and awake to life!

So, the next time you start building your perfect man in your mind…stop and remind yourself of what truely matters.