Its so trendy to think about our environment and take care of mother earth so reduce, reuse and recycle is an excellent concept to live by as far as your trash is concerned but when it comes to an ex….leave yesterdays trash in the dump!! My Daddy always said “dogs don’t shit where they eat”…in other words don’t do something you will regret later a.k.a recycle an ex!
I have to admit that I used to have what I call the “savior complex”. Basically if you have the “screwed up, your parents didn’t hug you enough, no ones ever loved you” syndrome, I would welcome you with arms wide open and warm smiles. I suppose I was somewhat of a “rescue mission” for mentally unstable, selfish assholes. Needless to say, it never has panned out for my benefit but on the other hand; my cases all ended up with at least a few months of free counseling, much needed attention and a stable environment and not to mention some home cooking. Through the years, I have made a point to learn from my mistakes and try really hard not to repeat my savior complex behavior or “recycle”! This leads me to the ever so…I’m bored/lonely, haven’t dated anyone in a while…lets get back with the ex reasoning that single people do with themselves. We have all had our moments of weakness where you send out a little S.O.S text or phone call to test the waters. It’s certainly ok to check on someone to see how they are doing, its kind …but leave it! They are still the same person that threw their cell phone at your head, stole your credit card to buy you an engagement ring, lied about their marital status, slept with other women when they were on their lunch break and that’s why you dumped them in the first place!!
As always, I am willing to exploit some of my most humbling moments for your entertainment and hopefully to prove a point! I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt…time and time again, even though they have proved me wrong. I suppose it’s my little humanitarian heart that wants to believe in peace on earth, true love, and my knight in shining armor!
I try to protect the identity of those who inspire me so I coin nick names for them. My muse: Pill Popper John. I should have known from college that he was a big mess, with his oh so charming pick up lines he would use on me in Algebra class. The ol “Nice shirt, it would look better in my floor”, “you want to come over and make-out between classes”….and those were the nice ones. He was always really rude and inappropriate and called me a high maintenance Princess, which should have been a red flag that I was too good for him because he was practically telling me so. Years later, I happen to run into him in a different city, exchange cards and set a dinner date. I thought I would give him second chance since he had certainly convinced himself that since he was 30 he had grown up. He took me to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant, only to be followed by a beer pong competition at a co-workers house. He proceeded to chug keg beer, become beer pong champion and disappear for who knows how long, only to emerge half conscious and drooling. Reason being…”oh why not take a vicoden, I’m not going to drive home anyway, I’ve had too much to drink”…sweeet he drove me there. So I go outside to call my dependable cab lady to tell her I’m desperate and to come find me. He stumbles out on porch, tries to sweet talk me into staying and just cant seem to understand “why am I soo pissed, it’s a party, loosen up”…..then yep….he falls off the front porch into the bushes…..end scene! But not so much, I still felt bad for him and went out on a second date….yes I know, what the hell? That one did it for me though. After a few beers at what I like to call an “adult Chuck E Cheese” he started wailing on a punching bag so hard people were starting to stare. Then he proceeded to tell me about having to go to anger management classes and how anger issues pretty much ran in his family (getting my coat, looking for the door) and to top it off, he took off his collar shirt, yes in the bar, to reveal…..the angry leprechaun tattoo….I swear! At that moment, I was in a full sprint!
If people say they have changed most likely they haven’t especially if they have to tell you they have, clearly it’s not enough! It didn’t work out the first time for a reason. For someone to truly change its only because they genuinely want to be nicer, more considerate, and monogamous for once! These changes come with age, heartbreak, mistakes and trials in life.
You have to ask yourself, are you willing to let love in? Are you truly open and available for someone to love you? It’s not someone else’s job to like you, its yours and when you do, then others will just naturally be drawn to you. If you don’t like yourself, your situation or place in life, well guess what, no one else is going to find that desirable either. I laughed when my mom wanted me to have the Jane Seymour “open hearts collection” because she thought I wasn’t open to being loved. Well she was right....because I wasn’t for a long time. I always found something wrong with someone and pushed them away before the “F” word showed its face.….and I mean feelings! Like always, she was right; I needed a constant reminder to be open to love no matter how scary it may be. With great risk comes great reward. If an ex made you close up, push others away and not believe in love….then never and I repeat never go back to them nor give them the credit for keeping you from finding love! Dogs know better than to shit where they eat so why would humans with rational thinking do it??
One mans trash is another’s mans treasure. So stop feeling guilty about letting your little ex butterflies flutter around or fly to another flower…someone else will find their bad breath, annoying laugh, ugly toes, and bad table manners endearing.
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